7.14.2007

A strange attraction from "GLOW"

I was channel surfing last night (as I am wont to do since there's so precious little on TV worth watching) and happened to catch a little bit of a female wrestling match on the Friday night edition of WWE (you can tell I'm not a regular viewer anymore because I can't even remember if it's still called "Nitro" or if it's something else now). There was a time when I found pro wrestling to be a fun bit of mindless nonsense. The "fighting" matches were a bore, IMO, but the storylines and the over-the-top personas of the wrestlers were often entertaining...it's like the "Weekly World News" tabloid...noone in their right mind would fail to recognize that there is absolutely no news between it's covers, but it's still worth reading because it's so funny, like one of the old National Lampoon newspaper parodies, only it comes out every week.

Like I said, I don't watch the stuff anymore. Not because I think I've grown out of it or anything like that (though that's part of it, I'm sure). It's mainly because I just got tired of it. There's only so much of that you can watch before you start considering that there very well be more constructive ways to bide one's time. Like maybe alphabetizing your extensive Chia Pet collection or camping out by the traffic lights and watching the cars go by.

The female wrestlers of today, each one of them from what I've seen, are created for and marketed to adolescent boys and 40-year-old men who lack what some would term "a life". Every single one of them are slightly beefed-up Maxim girls wearing tight, sexy outfits, more often than not made from latex that accentuate their always erect nipples (I'd guess that these gals get turned on by all the mock violence, but maybe it's just that the air conditioner in the backstage dressing room is set to a low temperature). Doubtless there are countless men out there who think that there's nothing more exciting (maybe even arousing) than watching a couple of centerfold models pretending to beat the shit out of each other. The only thing better than watching a fake catfight is watching a REAL catfight, but the venues the latter are usually to be found at are generally a bit more dangerous than the comfort of your couch.But it wasn't always like that. Oh. no. Back in the 80's we had our own version of "girls gone wild". The show was called "GLOW: Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling". These gals didn't play second fiddle to a stable of male wrestlers. The whole lot of 'em were vixens...okay, perhaps several of them weren't what you'd call "vixens". In fact, a few of them were downright ugly (Attila the Hun springs to mind). But at least there was a little variety, which is much more than you can say for today's bunch.

"GLOW" was campy even at the time it was airing. It didn't require the benefit of age or the passage of time to earn it's status as kitsch. It was recognizable as such from the first episode to the last. The matches were unabashedly scripted...of course everyone knows that all the WWE matches are scripted to, but the "GLOW" fights had no pretensions of even being considered as "real", even to the most gullible fan. Furthermore, in addition to the traditional staple of the wrestlers taunting and "talking shit about their next opponent" (of which the GLOW girls were very good at), there were also comedy skits a la "Hee Haw". Top it off with an introduction every week featuring all the girls dancing and rapping about their individual skills and good looks and you can only imagine how gloriously corny it all was.

Yes, it's true, the biggest portion of the "Gorgeous Ladies" were in the same vein as today's female wrestlers. Most of them were dolled-up pretty girls designed to tickle the libido. It was usually the pretty gals who had the fans on their side.

But me, I didn't give a rat's ass about pretty gals in the ring. If it was "pretty gals" I wanted, well there was always Playboy and Penthouse. I preferred my "pretty gals"to be unencumbered by clothing.

So whenever I tuned in to "GLOW" there was only one wrestler I watched for...only one "Gorgeous Lady" that I cared anything about. The only one who made it bearable to sit through all the "fluff 'n' puff" of all the other plastic beauties. Only one who could make my heart race while simultaneously forcing me to consider how fucked up I must be to find her so strangely vivacious...

DEMENTIA!!!!!

She was obviously mentally ill, most likely criminally insane. Perhaps it was the catatonic state she was in that struck up the spark within me that would eventually be fanned into a flame of the well-hidden desire I had for Dementia. Maybe it was the sympathy I felt when the other wrestlers would take her baby doll away. Maybe I liked the way she blew bubbles in the ring before a match and wore a hockey mask (like Jason in "Friday the 13th") as she was escorted to her fights in a cage wheeled in by heavily armed security guards . I liked her frazzled hair, I liked the tattered dress, I liked the white face paint...hell, I even liked the axe she brought with her but never got the chance to use. Most of all, very possibly the one thing I liked the most about Dementia was her awesome cleavage, the way it was so tightly packed into that worn-out dirty drab dress. Something so sexy about that, don't you think?

Okay, seriously now...the character of Dementia was played by two different women. In the early days of "GLOW" Nancy Daly took the part. I don't know what happened to her but at some point she was replaced by Michelle Damon...It is possible that I have them mixed up, that Daly came after Damon, but I don't think so. I only even consider it because Damon went on to change her persona to Sugar and I don't think Dementia ever left the stable. If you look at Sugar you can pretty much tell that she's NOT the Dementia who was fighting in the matches when there couldn't have been more than 100-150 people in the audience (the low numbers seeming to suggest that they were held in the early days of "GLOW"...by the way, the majority of those in the crowd were cheering for Dementia).

So if, indeed, it was Daly doing the Dementia character in those formative years, then I've got to say that she was the better of the two, by far. But you can make your own mind up by watching the following YouTube videos of 3 separate Dementia pairings (thank God for YouTube...it's so helpful in the replacement of lost memories).
The first two are from the early days (which, I think, are Daly)...the 3rd one, as you can tell by how relatively larger the audience is, features Damon (if my theory is correct, and I think it is because Sugar does kind of favour the second Dementia.

No matter, these are some fun clips and a reminder of days gone by:


Dementia vs. Little Egypt

Dementia vs. Tara

Dementia vs. Roxy Astor

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