"Midland Street West"

Polishing off a few old songs lately, thought I'd share one with you today.

"Midland Street West"

See the cars that are parked along Midland Street
Hear the sounds of laughter, music, conversation
Walk on by, never knowing the people
In the house on the corner
Where the lights stay on all night

If you walk along the sidewalks of your mind
You may find yourself on Midland Street West
Where the door to the house on the corner
Open to a friend
But don't look them in the eyes

And you dreamed you were a disciple of Christ
He was turnin' the water into wine
And you thought you could walk on the water
So you tried...

Wednesday nights on Midland Street West
Where the sacraments are weed and wine
And the sacrifice is fuel to feed the fire
That burns away the sadness
And reminds you of your dreams

And you dream of perfect circles
Figure eights on their sides
And a world without beginning or ending
Only night
On Midland Street West

Are you feeling the winds of war hard against your back?
Are you remembering how she said she would come back?
Are you waiting on the Second Coming?
Or do you wish you were still at Midland Street West?


The "I Remember" Series

For there shall come a day when I WON'T remember...

I REMEMBER...that there were three stores where I bought record albums as a kid (when I was between 8 & 16 years old). Drury's Variety, Gibson's and Cook's (none of which, it must be noted, have been in business for several years.

Drury's was on main street in the small town I grew up in, so it's to be expected that they had the skimpiest selection of the three. The first album I ever bought was from there: the self-titled debut of The Partridge Family . I know, I know...cut me some slack...I was only 8 or 9 years old...I probably thought they were a real family and road around in a real bus and wrote their own songs and recored them...I'm sure it didn't seem so far fetched to me. The first 45 RPM single I bought there was one of those early Carpenters hits..."Only Just Begun" or "For All We Know"...I tend to think it was the latter, because I loved those harmony choruses. Other seminal purchases I made there include "Bloodrock 2", "I Hear You Knockin" (Dave Edmunds) and "What Is Life" (George Harrison), both singles. In fact I bought a lot of those early Beatle solo singles there.

As for Gibsons...it was a variety store that could have been the prototype for Wal-Mart. They had a pretty good selection of records in two long bins you had to pass through on the way to the grocery section. I was hesitant to buy from them because I had a lot of problems with warped albums from there. But my folks went there fairly often so if I could beg them out of 4 or 5 bucks I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to add another disc to my collection while there. Case in point...I got at least two terribly warped copies of Alice Cooper's "Billion Dollar Babies" from there. That was a real bitch, too, cuz I couldn't wait to hear it (I thought Alice was "the man" when I was a kid). But, other than the Cooper album, I can't really remember what else I got there.

Cook's was like a department store without the emphasis on clothing. I always liked it best and not only for it's fantastic record section. It was a fairly big store and when we were very young my brother and I would walk around speaking gibberish to each other, hoping that someone would hear us and think we were foreigners. Getting back to the record albums...I don't think I ever had a problem with defective vinyl with anything I bought at Cook's. The bulk of my collection came from there. I got my Stones' albums, my Beatles, all that stuff at Cook's, but two purchases stand out in my memory...

The first was a 2-LP set from David Bowie called "Images". It was a re-packaging of Bowie's earliest recordings (some even recorded under his own given name, David Jones). I had become interested in checking him out after reading several articles about him in Rock Scene magazine. Of course this old stuff was hardly representative of the music he was becoming famous for...nothing like "Ziggy Stardust" or "Aladdin Sane". But for all that I was very fond of those older songs. All of that material can now be found on "The Deram Anthology", which I listen to every now and again. It still stands up pretty well against his later work, IMO.

The other was another repackaging, this time of Genesis' classic albums "Nursery Cryme" and "Foxtrot". The Buddha record label had bought the rights to distribute the material in the USA so they put together this 2 album set and called it "The Best: Genesis" (there were other artists in the "The Best" series, but I don't remember any of them. I was already on my way to becoming a hardcore fan, having been blown away by an appearance they did on a music performance television show called The Mignight Special. I had even bought their live album at Gibson's. I think I may have played this Genesis set more than anything else I had at the time.

So, my computer is trying to tell that it's battery is running low, so I guess I should get this posted. More "I Remember" entries to come.


"Charlie's Vision"

Charlie was not Grant's typical client. At the age of 10 he claimed to have visions. He called them prophecies but was always quick to point out that they were certainly not on a biblical scale. Now, at the age of 32, he had won the trust and devotion of the very same church that once ostracized him as a heretic, a rebellious teen with delusions of the priest hood.

These issues, and more, were being worked out through a controversial new behavioral technique, Stellar Discomfort Photographic Memory Process (or SDPMP). Many times he would fall into a trance during treatment and it was during these times of semi-consciousness that Dr. Grant began to gain enlightenment as to the possible meanings of the dreams. The symbolism, which had once driven him to despair, seemed now to be laid out like pieces from a jigsaw puzzle, ready to be placed into the context of the bigger picture.

He showed up that morning in ratty blue jeans and a t-shirt, which featured the logo of Judas Priest. Grant could tell he was miserable. It was not hard to see that he could tell he was cold because his skin was all prickly and shit. Goose bumps or something like them. No doubt his nipples were hard as pellets. He stank of a 7 day marathon of not bathing, but the doctor didn't seem to mind.

"Have a seat, Charlie. Tell me, is it true what they say about Sarah T? Is she really a teenage adolescent alcoholic?"

Charlie suppressed a grin. "She is at that, old gem," he said. "This coming from what I would consider to be a somewhat reliable source, she has done gone developed a taste for hard spirits. Her parents don't know a damn thing. She's thinkin' some hard thoughts about maybe doing some things she might have at one time made a commitment and/or a vow to the Lord not to do, but they always knew there would come one day. Well, here that day is, and I'll be god damned if I'm gonna sit back and let you tell me I don't know what I'm talking about."

"It's okay. It's more than I knew, that's for sure..."

"That's not what I came here for, and you know it."

"Oh, yeah? What do I know? Why are you here?"

"I'm your patient. That's right, Doctor Bill Grant, I am the man who pays you to get into his mind...I am the man who expects to get a large return on my investment...My insurance has paid for the swimming pool in your back yard. I'm here because it's my turn to be prodded. I am pretty sure I need it this time. You've been paid, now let's get this cheap ass carnival van on the road."

"Very well," Grant conceded. "Have you had a vision since I last saw you?"

Charlie barely hesitated.

"I did...I did and you know it." He settled in.

"There is fire in the sky, and an explosion that knocks me back. I see things now from the perspective of a god. From nowhere, from extinction, a brave buffalo materializes into space. He swerves to the right, into the white light. On his back, perched as a dominatrix, rides the raven, the dark carrion crow, croaking out death rattle to warn the flock...'You're flying in the wrong direction! Turn around! Turn around! You are flying into a radioactive fire!!!' But they don't seem to hear. They don't seem to see what's directly in front of them...birds, black birds, big black birds, big bad black birds, one by one, follow the leader into the nuclear sized black hole!

"The buffalo doesn't care. He doesn't seem to give one whit of a damn about the situation he's found himself in. He may not even know that a demonic bird is riding his furry hump back."

"Is this all?" I asked, knowing full well that if it WERE we'd still have more than we can handle. More right now would be too much of a burden to bear.

"Actually there were a couple more things, I may have just glimpsed 'em before I woke up, but they seem clear to me now," he said. "That there buffalo was a mighty find specimen of a buffalo. But he didn't seem quite real because he was running on a table...a table with many esoteric symbols carved into the wood."

Not one of his more extreme visions, to be sure. But Bill Grant was determined to gain a thorough understanding of this one. Even if it meant losing one of the fingers on his right hand.

Claudio Obaddo conducts...


A couple of random thoughts and such.

First off, I think the time has finally come for me and my family to boycott Wal-Mart. I can't count the number of times I've bought defective merchandise there. A re-packaged home theater system, a CD Walkman that never worked, fucked up portable stereo systems, the list goes on. But what are you gonna do? You think it's the only place you can really save money and get everything you need in one stop. Well, no more. I'll just have to see how much extra money I'll have to spend and how many places I'll have to go to buy what I need. It won't be Wal-Mart. The straw that broke the camel's back was a box of "Black Angus steak burgers that were gristly as hell. I can't stand that. We've been buying these things for a long time...we grill them and eat them like steaks...and they've always been excellent. But the ones we tried to eat last night were awful. There's another box in the freezer, too, so I can only hope that it won't be more of the same. You say it's not Wal-Mart's fault that I got a bad box of meat? Maybe not. But it's the Wally World GV brand and I expected no less than what I've had in the past (these things are not cheap). Furthermore, we purchased a charcoal griller and only two of the four legs were in the box. God, that's frustrating when you take something out of the box to assemble and find out that there are parts missing. We're just really sick of Wal-Mart. It's such a boring place to shop. Same layout in every store, same old brands stocked, on and on and on. It's time for a change.

I took the family to Pops Monday afternoon. Pops is a restaurant/convenience store in Arcadia that offers more than 500 varieties of soda pop. The selection is staggering. The food is pretty good, too. It took a long time for us to choose our six pack of specialty sodas, but we eventually did. Stacie got a green apple and a raspberry soda (both of which were very good). Bryan picked a grape pop and something called black lemonade. The grape was okay, but I didn't like the black stuff at all. As for me, I picked up a Faygo Rock & Rye, which I used to get in the late 80s. I also chose an Avery birch beer and it was fantastic. I may be going back this weekend and even though I really want to sample a lot of different kinds, I think I'll have to get another one of those birch beers.

Today has been rough. The heat was miserable. I had medication clinic, and that's never fun. To top it all off, the little black girl who counted my pills made the implication that I wasn't taking them. She did that last month, too, only that time she came right out and said she thought I wasn't taking them. She's not the regular "pill-counter", only filling in for the guy who usually does it but has, for whatever reason, not been there the last couple of months. I let it slide last month, but I got a little huffy with her today. I was like, "I don't mean to sound hostile, but last week you accused me of not taking them and I'm not gonna stand for that...if you knew what I'd gone through that got me on those pills in the first place you wouldn't be worrying about whether I was taking them or not." She puts on this really sweet act, but she's actually quite condescending. At any rate, it spoiled my mood, which wasn't real good in the first place. My mind became flooded with thoughts about how fucked up I must be to have to even go to this place. One thought led to another and before you know it I have this hopeless feeling and all I want to do is go home, get in bed, turn on some music and try to forget about everything.

Music Video of the Week: Gentle Giant

"Free Hand"
Gentle Giant


I'm going through sort of a weird phase right now. I've become acutely aware of how "different" my illness makes me. Not that I've ever wanted to conform to anyone's ideal or image of what I should be. And not is the sense of alienation, either. I don't think that anyone is "looking down" at me, but that they see me as some sort of weird person with a mental condition. Maybe that's what I am, but I would rather not be judged and characterized in such a way. I second guess myself way too much and wonder, "Is this normal? Is this normal behavior?"

Paranoia. That's what it is. Plain and simple. But just because I know what it is and can name it does not make it go away or even get easier to deal with.

I kind of brushed it off at first when my psychiatrist (at the time) diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder about a year and a half ago. I had previously been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I figured they must not be all that different. She didn't make an effort to tell me what differences there might be, so I didn't think too much about it. But some of the stuff I've gone through in the last few months have led me to do some investigating.

Schizoaffective disorder contains elements of both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I guess I sort of already knew that years ago when I considered that maybe I had schizophrenia after all (this was in 1987, I think). If I did think I had it I must not have been too convinced that it was important because I didn't think much about it at all until recently. If schizophrenic behaviour/traits develop slowly over a period of time then I may well be experiencing the advent of that condition developing.

I know I'll never be out from under this burden. If it sets me apart from everyone I know then that's something I just have to deal with. I don't know that it's within my power to change. I don't think it is, but that thought fills me with guilt. Not knowing if I could or not. And if I can, why don't I? Why haven't I? Is it that I've grown so used to this being "the way it is" that I don't consider the possibility of another way? Am I afraid to change?

Yes. That is it. I am afraid to change. No doubt a doctor would say that's a good thing, since the first change I would make (the first change I've made in the past) would be to stop taking medication. But after what I went through in '06 I will NEVER neglect medication again. The prospect of going through that again scares the shit out of me. I have to have faith that the drugs I take are working and that they'll keep me from having another breakdown.

In order to have that faith I have to acknowledge that the drugs are working. And in order to do that I have to admit that I NEED them. And with that admission comes the realization that I have a serious problem...or maybe I shouldn't call it a problem. I don't like to call it a "condition", though, and "disorder" doesn't seem right (even if that's what it actually is)... A curse, maybe?

Whatever it is, it's certainly not something I asked for. Why should I feel guilt for not being able to provide for my family like a "normal" person can? And I do. Should I consider myself to be doing something wrong by not actively seeking the company of friends, even though I very much believe that they would do me a world of good? I've lost the ability to relate to others. I'm very uncomfortable interacting with just about anyone other than my family, and sometimes it's hard to do even that. Is it taking a defeatist attitude to suggest that "I can't help it"? Those words ring hollow to me. I should be stronger.

Perhaps it would be good idea not to focus so much on what I "should" be, or what I "could" be, and spend more time trying to come to terms with what I AM.


God damn, I am in a piss poor mood.

I did, however, finally get around to purchasing a copy of "A Course in Miracles". And disc one of the first season of "The Monkees" arrived earlier this afternoon, courtesy of Netflix.

Music Video of the Week: James Brown

James Brown

This version of "Payback" is much faster than the original. You've got to wait about 4 minutes for the introductory grooves to wind down before he even gets to it.

James Brown kicks so much ass it ain't even funny.


This is what I recall of the day, now that it is almost done.

I can't remember what I did the first couple of hours after I got out of bed. No doubt I checked the computer for any activity on the few sites I keep up with on a daily basis...

Watched "Revolutionary Road" with the wife. I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. There was a scene that kind of triggered a memory I have of when my mother walked away and left our family behind. I felt as if I would be justified if I hated her. I wasn't sure that I didn't.

Made a bowl of pasta salad to eat tomorrow. Just the boxed stuff, you know, the "Suddenly Salad" brand. Added some pepperoni, mozzarella, cheddar & parmesian cheeses, some extra Italian dressing...It's going to be tasty.

Read a good chunk of Robert Ludlum's "The Chancellor Manuscript". It's one of the books I picked up at the Library Book Sale. It's been several years since I've read anything by Ludlum. I like his style. Interesting stuff.

One of the music blogs that I have bookmarked posted a shitload of Gentle Giant albums. I've always thought I'd like their music. I mean, I have heard a couple of songs from them back when XM Radio had the Music Lab channel. I enjoyed them. So I downloaded the lot...well, except for the most recent one. Don't really know why I didn't get that one along with the others. Probably should have.

I decided to put the Gentle Giant albums on my mp3 player. It will give me a chance to "get to know them better", as it were. I also copied a box set of Ya Ho Wha discs to the player. It's called "God and Hair" and it clocks in at 13 CDs. Ya Ho Wha was the musical arm of the Source Family, which was basically a cult in the early seventies. The previous post is from a documentary about the Source Family and their spiritual leader who, as far as I know, only went by the name of Father. This is just the kind of stuff that I find fascinating.

Stacie grilled some angus steak burgers for dinner. Oh, so good. Trivial details: I ate them with Heinz 57 sauce (though I did put A-1 sauce on the first few bites...I ran out or I would probably have had some more...I like to use both kinds every time I eat steak). On the side I had baked beans and carrots. Wheat bread and Blue Bonnet rounded it off. To wash it down I had a half can of Dr. Pepper (that I was already drinking when dinner started) and a can of Dr. Pop (which is the Save-a-Lot store brand knock off of Dr. Pepper...and which, of course, tastes nothing like it). The steaks were excellent, as I had marinaded them in Head Country barbeque sauce over night.

We went to Sonic not too long after and I got a large vanilla malt (w/extra malt, as is my habit). Drove around town for a little bit. Malt could have been a little bit maltier, but I wasn't complaining. At least it had malt in it...many's the time I ordered a malt and got a shake. I hate milkshakes. If there's no malt in it, I don't want it. And this one was a little thin. I don't like 'em too thick, but this one could have had a little more consistancy.

I set my StumbleUpon to the "mental health" topic...I only recently added it. Don't know why it took me so long. Some very interesting material there. I do get tired of people who insist that people who have bipolar disorder are geniuses and more creative than other people. That's bullshit. Take it from someone who knows. I don't think I learned anything I didn't already know while stumbling the topic, but I'll keep looking.


I was looking at my Facebook page earlier and noticed that there weren't a lot of Bible verses and "inspirational" quips in the status reports as there were until recently. The bulk of them (if not all) came from a girl I went to school with. That was really the only reason I had her in my friends queue. No doubt it's the reason I was in hers as well. So I checked and, lo and behold, she had abdicated my friends list.

At first I was kind of mad. I thought that for sure she had been offended by something I'd said there. I figured she was being judgmental, as so many Christians I know and have known can be.

I checked MySpace, where she is also in my friends queue. Gone from there, too.

Then I did a search of her name in Facebook...gone. Same with MySpace. Gone.

So I don't know. I came to the conclusion that I was the one being judgmental and hypocritical. I don't know why she's no longer listed as my friend. It's even weirder that she seems to have disabled both her Facebook and MySpace profiles altogether. I guess it was kind of self-centered of me to assume that she'd left because of something I may have said or done.

We weren't close at all, and yeah, her religious fanaticism got on my nerves. But I hope she's okay.


The main thing I look for at garage sales are books. I keep an eye out for the classics and books about music. But usually all I ever find are Harlequin romance novels. My mom reads like one of those every single day. I don't know how she does it. I certainly don't care anything about them.

There were no good books at yesterday's sales. LOTS of books about religion. That was the main category to be found. No thanks.

So I figured I'd go to the library and see if they had put any new books on the "for sale" shelf since the last time I checked (about a month ago). You can't even buy books at garage sales for as cheap as the library sells them. 20 paperbacks for a dollar. Eight hardback books for a buck. Sure, the majority of the titles they offer are weak. Sometimes they aren't in the best condition. But that's not always the case.

I snagged a copy of Allan Ginsburg's "Collected Poems", in excellent condition, for a nickel! I'm kind of out of my "beatnik" phase (for now at least) but I couldn't pass up a bargain like that. A hard bound copy of "The Norton Anthology of English Literature" for 12 & 1/2 cents! I've got too many anthologies as it is, but there's no way I was going to let that bargain pass me by. A two volume "Treasury of Great Mysteries" promise to be a good read. All in all I wound up getting 20 books for right around 2 dollars. Admittedly they are not the kind of books I'm going to drop whatever I'm doing to read. But they all look interesting and I'm pretty sure I'll read most of 'em as time goes by.


Before he began hosting the Tonight Show I was sure that Conan O'brien would fail. I said 6 months tops. Don't know why I was so anti-Conan...probably saw a really bad monologue on Late Night and figured he's lost it. But I have to say I was wrong. O'brien is really tearing it up. His monologues still suck, but the sketches are fucking classic. 4 nights in a row he's had me hoo-hawing. I never was much of a Leno fan (he's okay) and when he was on it was a difficult choice between the Tonight Show and Letterman. But Letterman pales in comparison to Conan. He's lost it, or run out of it, or whatever it is that happened, he just isn't very funny anymore. In fact he's often downright annoying, and this from a man who has been a huge fan since the early 80s. I'm hoping Leno will do well in the 9 o'clock slot (that's Central time, btw)...I like the idea of a nightly variety show. Big gamble on the part of NBC and I hope it pays off. But for right now there's no disputing it: Conan RULES late night television.

Woopee! It was still there! Five bucks for this baby! So what if it doesn't have an adapter...of course the first thing I did before I bought it was to ask if there was an adapter with it. Lady said no, that was why she was selling the thing so cheap. It's probably very hard to find one, and for all I know they are a pricey item. But never mind. Even if I never get one it's still cool to have this sucker. I wanted one so bad when they first came on the market. Now they are pretty much obsolete. This one appears to be in excellent condition, like it hasn't been used much at all. Very likely someone bought it and decided it wasn't worth the time to learn how to use it properly.

No, I don't really have any instruments other than my bass guitar to record. But now that I think about it, my son's piano would work. Not much of a piano player or I would be more excited about that. I can use it in burning cassettes to CD, so there's something else I can do with it.


btw...if any of you reading this happen to have an 11V-15V adapter that you can spare, let me know.

Update 6/28/09...my son actually found an AC adapter for this. Don't ask me where, I thought I'd searched the whole house. The input levels sounded pretty bad until I flicked the line switch several times in a row. That seemed to clear up the noise. Unfortunately the deck will not play or record. Most likely it's got a bad head. I don't know how I'd go about getting it fixed or how much it might cost. So I guess for now it can be an artifact.

Went to some garage sales this morning. The local paper made a big to-do about how there were so many of them this weekend. 24, I think they said it was. That's way up there in "city-wide garage sales" territory. However, as it turned out, less than half of them were actually going on. There wasn't shit to be found at any of them.

Well, I shouldn't say that. I saw a sweet Fostex 4-Track cassette studio that looked to be in excellent shape. But there was no AC adapter. I don't even know how you can find one of those. Plus, I don't have an electric guitar or really any instrument that could be plugged into it. Okay, maybe my bass guitar. But who wants to make 4 track recordings using just a bass? I don't know...maybe that might have been interesting. But no AC cord. I probably should have bought it...only $5.00. Maybe I should go back and see if it's still there. Those things are so outdated. But Springsteen used one to record the demos that eventually wound up as "Nebraska", so...

Okay. I'm going back right now.


I just ate at least 25 slices of pizza at CiCi's. What the hell is wrong with me?

Drove to Tulsa listening to my Sigur Ros mp3 disc. All of the albums are on it, but it seems like every time I put it in random mode on the car stereo it plays a lot of the same songs. "Olsen Olsen" never fails. "Glosoli", as well. The second and fourth songs on the last album (which, like the album's title, I cannot pronounce, spell, or anything else). A couple more. It's okay, though. Especially "Glosoli".


Music Video of the Week: The Fall

"Hit the North"
The Fall

New Bambo Track

It's impossible for me to describe or categorize the music I've been making the last couple of months as the Bambo Syndicate. But I like it. I think it's great "head" music.

And I quite like this new one.

I took the family to Oklahoma City last Saturday to see the Canterbury Choral Society perform Bach's Mass in B Minor. It was the first time I'd ever been to an event like this (a first for the wife and kid, too). We bought the tickets about a month ago. The opera had been so much fun that I thought it would be cool to attend another classical performance. This Bach piece was the only thing I could find that looked interesting (Oklahoma is not exactly a cultural mecca). I do like Bach and I enjoy choral music.

We made it to OKC just fine (well, of course, it's not as if I haven't driven there a few hundred times), but we had a hard time actually finding the Civic Center. It's been a long, long time since I'd been there. The crazy thing is that it's only a couple of blocks from the I-40/Robinson exit. I just didn't recognize the building.

To make things worse, after we DID locate the Center I could not find a place to park. I swear I must have driven circles around that building 5 or 6 times, weaving through one-way streets, until finally I caught site of a lot for event parking. I don't know why I didn't see it earlier...I think it's because it was so empty. I probably assumed that it was a lot that had been roped off into a no parking zone. On that last pass the wife noticed the "Event Parking" sign, so we paid our 5 bucks and parked the car. We were all a little anxious (with concurrent short tempers) because it was like 7:50 pm by the time we got parked and the show began at 8:00. There was the walk to get there and we still didn't know exactly which building was the Civic Center.

We made it, though. The Civic Center has gone through a lot of renovations since 1986, when I was last there (for an R.E.M. concert, way back when I actually liked R.E.M.). It's really nice. Stacie said she thought it was better than Chapman Music Hall in Tulsa (where we saw the opera). I have to disagree, though.

The orchestra tuned up and the choir took the stage...the Mass began...and five or ten minutes later I realized that I was bored. Oh, there were passages that picqued my interest, but on the whole it seemed tedious to me. This was quite unnerving. I have always thought that Bach was one of those composers whose work was always something I would enjoy. I felt like I was somehow disqualified to be a serious music connoisseur because it just wasn't doing anything for me. Maybe that's stupid, but come on...it's BACH!

Oh well. Maybe my brain just needs a rest. After all, classical music is somewhat more challenging than Waylon Jennings or Public Image Ltd.

We wound up leaving during the intermission. The seats were not the most expensive to be had...about 30 bucks apiece, but it still seemed a shame not to stay.

Next cultural event will be "Opera in the Ozarks", in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. It's one of the things we have planned for our vacation next month. The other is The Great Passion Play. Ha. I never thought I'd ever go to another passion play. But Stacie and Bryan will like it, and I have no doubt it will be interesting on many levels. Then, in October, the Tulsa Opera is starting their 2009-2010 season, so we'll be doing that.

And now I've got to go. Bryan has been practically begging me to install the Sims 2 on my computer so he can have someone to talk to about it. He ordered the Sims 3 last Saturday and it will hopefully be here by the weekend. I don't know what's going to become of it. I was terrible at the original Sims.


Watching the first season of "Swingtown" on Netflix. Was there more than one? That's all there is on Netflix, but I kind of doubt it was renewed. Not the kind of subject matter that is tolerated well by the majority of the television viewing public. Too bad, though. It's excellent, and this from a man who makes a point to avoid television dramas like they were the plague.

Other television series in my queue:
"Xena: Warrior Princess"
"Hercules: The Legendary Journeys"
"The Vicar of Dibley"

I bought "A Brilliant Madness" by Patty Duke some time ago at the library book sale. It's a weird combination of Patty Duke's autobiography and some psychiatrist giving the lowdown on bipolar disorder (which Duke suffers from).

It's worthless. I wish I had more to say about it. I have bipolar disorder and I don't believe for one moment that it makes me any more brilliant than I would have been if I didn't have it. Not saying that I'm brilliant, but I guess I should be, seeing as how I suffer from the same madness as Ms. Duke.

I will soon toss the book into the trash bin.

I just heard Peter Gabriel's "Don't Give Up" on my Lastfm radio. There's this line that Kate Bush sings, "Don't give up, because you have friends". And I got to thinking that every single one of the people I call "real friends" are miles away and/or out of touch. No one to hang out with anymore. Not counting the wife and kid, of course. I have to wonder just how much harm not having friends does to the psyche. I think it probably does a fair amount of damage.

But what can I do? I'm a hard person to get to like.

A couple of months ago I was re-united with a guy I knew in high school. We weren't extremely close, but he ran in the same circles as I did. I would have considered him a friend, even if not as close as those who I have made since then. I invited him to visit me at my house and he showed up. We remenisced and I thought we had a good time. We decided it would be cool to do some of the things we used to do in the early 80s...go to movies, some music venues, that kind of stuff. Maybe watch a DVD together. Plans were made for him to come back early the next week and we were going to watch "There Will Be Blood".

He never showed up. Didn't call, nothing. I didn't see him again until a couple of nights ago, when he passed my house on a walking jaunt with his family. He called out to me and I returned the greeting, but I let them walk on without saying anything else.

I tried.


Here it is, June 1. My blogging output last month was pathetic. Relatively so. Many is the time I felt like I should write something but simply could not find motivation to do it. Or I would write a few paragraphs and decide I didn't really want to post it after all. I try so hard to be grammatically correct and not repetitive. This slows me down considerably and it's usually a futile exercise because I still fuck up on both counts. It's just a blog, I know. It's not as if lots of people are keeping up with it. I decided long ago that the purpose here would be to just post stuff that I thought was interesting, maybe some personal stuff, the occassional prose/poetry I come up with.

As for the interesting stuff...I've reached a point where very little on the Internet amuses me. When I first installed StumbleUpon I wasted massive chunks of time surfing the web. I'd find humorous and/or unique videos, images, sites, etc. and would post them if I thought they were cool enough. But these days I guess my sense of humor has changed (I won't say "evolved", but that IS how I see it). So much of what passes for comedy on the Net is just plain stupid. There's nothing even remotely funny about the majority of it. Maybe it's just because I'm from an older generation than the ones who put it out there. Whatever the reason, it insults what little intelligence I may have. And as for the unique stuff...well that gets harder and harder to find every day.

I'd like to post more personal stuff, but I'm afraid that a few people I know might not appreciate it. I don't know why I should care, though...so I'm thinking I probably will be getting a lot more personal in the future. If what I am, and what I have to say offends anyone, well, I don't suppose there's much I can do about it. I don't call myself a Christian anymore because I felt like I was pretending, trying to be something or someone that I wasn't. That's a pretty big step, I think. So why should I be upset if there are people who think I don't live up to their ideals or standards? They aren't mine. And it's not as if there are a whole lot of people whose opinions matter to me. I would like to think that those people would accept me for who I am and not make it their mission to try and change me. So I guess I will post a lot more personal stuff...

And finally, as for the odd bit of poetry...It comes when it comes. It's kind of weird, because I do get inspired to write it every once in a while, but to be honest, I don't like poetry in general. That's difficult more me to admit, because I always thought I SHOULD like it. I enjoy literature, but I have yet to find a poet or a poem that just blew me away. I do like to write prose (for lack of a better term for it). I have to be in the mood, but I enjoy it. I almost always post those things here, and I am sure I will continue.

So...now I've got June 09 in the archive list. My computer battery is dying or I would post some random thoughts. Later.