What's your full name backwards?
Dum
What's the significance of your screen name?
It was given to me by my parents. I had no choice in the matter and was too apathetic to think of some hip, clever, pseudo funny username that no one would recognize me by anyway.
What emotion are you addicted to?
Lethargy
What's your favorite book?
Conversations With God
How much time do you spend in front of a television in a day?
Less than an hour.
How much time in front of your computer?
The amount of time I spend in front of my computer is comparable to the amount of time I used to sit in front of the television in the days when there was actually something worth watching on.
How much of that time is spent looking at porn?
It depends upon your defintition of "porn".
What would it take for you to completely uproot your life and start over elsewhere?
A "Monk" festival on the USA Network
Were you more adventurous as a child?
Does staying up until midnight to watch "The Midnight Special" considered adventurous?
What musical instruments can you play?
Guitar, Bass, Saxophone, Acid Music Studio, Rain Stick.
Do you eat meat?
Hell yes. I tried using it for various other purposes but when all was said and done I found that it was only good for eating.
How much money do you spend on gasoline in a month?
About $100 a month plus $2 to fill the gas can I use to set fire to the churches in the area.
Do clowns scare you or turn you on?
What the hell kind of question is that? Of course they turn me on.
When was the last time you had sex?
I've taken a vow of celibacy since learning that no one, not even my wife, wants to have sex with me.
What's your biggest fear?
Delirium tremors. And clowns.
Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
No, but I once watched some people who were skinny dipping. They didn't know I was there and watching. They also didn't know that I was recording their every move with a high quality digital video recorder. And they didn't know that I sold the footage to a softcore Internet porn website. What they don't know won't hurt them. Remember that the next time you go skinny dipping.
What would you rather do instead of going to work?
Count my bed sores.
Why aren't you doing that now?
Because I can't count that high.
Have you ever cut yourself on purpose?
Yes. You cannot imagine the pain of a self-inlicted genital paper cut.
Have you ever been abducted by aliens?
Yes. They brought me here. I long to return home but they laugh at my pleas for safe passage back to my home planet.
What's your favorite alcoholic beverage?
Molotov Cocktails.
What are you wearing right now?
The same sleeping pants I've been wearing for the last two weeks.
Are you straight, bi, or gay?
I admit it. My feet are gay.
Do you think you're attractive?
Wild animals, certain birds and vermin think I'm the shit, so who am I to disagree?
Do you prefer the status quo, or radical change?
I prefer status quo in regards to eating habits, and radical change when it comes to bowel movements.
Do you know what "bourgeois" means?
What do you think I am? A pawn of the working class? An uneducated boor? Everyone knows that bourgeois was a popular new wave band who were big in the early 80's, the only group who even came close to giving Duran Duran a run for their money.
Do you think of it as a term of abuse or a point of pride?
I think of abuse as a very dear friend. (ooops...misunderstood the question)
Have you ever killed a person?
A few. The guilt is pretty hard to bear until you've killed 3 or 4, then it gets a lot easier. I'm to the point now where I can kill six or seven people at a time and feel absolutely no pang of conscience whatsoever.
Would you?
What? Don't you listen? I just said I have. Are you frightened, is that it? Maybe you think I would kill YOU? Well, my friend, your fears are well founded. I WOULD kill you, and if you ask one more stupid question you can bet your last dollar I WILL.
If I did, would you help me hide the body?
The only body that's going to be in need of hiding is YOURS because that was one more stupid question. You'd better take your time asking the next few because as soon as your done you are going to find out my preferred method of taking a life.
What if it was one of your friends?
I've killed all my friends. Ha Ha. Spoiled your day, didn't I? You ain't killin' NOBODY, Jack.
What's your favorite pie?
THC laced chocolate pie.
If you had to give control of your destiny to any one person, who would it be?
One of the Jonas Brothers.
If you were to design a room for contemplation, what would it look like? What would be in it?
It would look like a big closet. It would have clothes in it. And shoes. And a stack of Playboy magazines. And a flashlight. And a box of Kleenex.
If you could take complete control of one aspect of your life, what would it be?
My compulsion to eat boogers.
What did your last dream consist of?
Killing somebody.
Are you happy with your life right now?
Might as well be. I'm not happy with it before "right now" and I know I won't be happy with it after "right now", but right now? Couldn't be happier.
Have you ever pulled a really good prank? What was it?
Oh yeah, I pulled a real doozy. I cannot divulge the details on the advice of my lawyer.
Have you ever video taped a sex session?
Several. Unfortunately none of them involved human beings.
What do you think about while you masturbate?
One thought goes through my mind when I masturbate: WHAT'S WRONG?????
Have you ever been to jail? What for?
Yes. Because I rolled three doubles.
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