1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
A dead cat I found on the side of the road...and two severed heads.
2. When was the last time you threw up?
The last time I saw Rosie O'Donell
3. What's your favorite curse word?
I like 'em all. i couldn't pick a favorite if I tried.
4. Name 3 people who made you smile today?
I did not smile today.
5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Dreaming of that bitch.
6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Savoring the taste of a delicious combination of lettuce, Wish Bone Italian salad dressing, parmesian cheese, shredded cheddar cheese and pepperoni. I think I farted a couple of times, too.
8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
I've been to a few, but I stopped going when the bozo I went with, sitting on perverts row, hollered "let's see some TA-TAs!!!". I saw the light at that point, understanding dawned upon me and I never went to another one.
9. What is the last thing you said aloud?
"Get off the computer. I got important surveys to fill out."
10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
The general consensus amongst those with a taste for ice cream is that vanilla is not only the best, but is also one of the few flavors that can be used with ease in the preperation of various ice cream based concoctions. But how would I know? Ice cream gives me the hurty-squirtys.
11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Docky Peckey.
12. What are you wearing right now?
A gorgeous french brassierre.
...okay, I'm just kidding.
It's just a regular brassierre.
13. What was the last thing you ate?
Docky Pecky. (and see #6)
14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
I bought my wife a new brassierre.
15. When was the last time you ran?
I believe it was about 3 years ago when a cop found a crack pipe in my pocket and didn't take my word for it when I told him I had no idea how it got there.
16. What's the last sporting event you watched?
Docky Pecky.
18. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace?
Tom. I told him to go take a flying leap.
19. Ever go camping?
No. I hate the great outdoors.
24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
Docky Pecky.
25. What did your last text message say?
DKY PKY TTYL
26. Are you someone's best friend?
I am the universe's best friend. God likes me a little bit, too.
27. What are you doing tomorrow?
Givin' it another go.
28. Where is your mom right now?
She wouldn't want me telling even if I knew.
29. Look to your left, what do you see?
Docky Pecky.
30. What color is your watch?
I cannot answer this question as my answer could very well jeopardize national security.
31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Fosters Lager. Kangaroos. Criminals. That Dundee fool. That ridiculous song "Down Under". And finally, Docky Pecky.
32. Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
You better believe it. I rode one straight into the pits of hell one time and didn't even come close to throwing up. That's a seasoned rider for ya.
33. What is your birthstone?
Gravel Chunk.
34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive through?
I've tried hitting the drive through, but to no avail. All I got was a bloodied hand and the guy didn't even get my order right. I always go in because I prefer that my fast food experience be as tedious and long as possible.
35. What is your favorite number?
667
36. Do you have a dog?
I do until he barks again, at which point I will NOT have a dog.
37. Last person you talked to on the phone?
The local pimp. I had a complaint.
38. Have you met anyone famous?
I met all the members of The Call, though I doubt anyone remembers them. I met Wade Hayes, though I doubt anyone remembers him. I met Fidel Castro, but I'm not supposed to talk about that.
39. Any plans today?
Big plans. Small plans. Docky Pecky plans.
40. How many states have you lived in?
54
41. Ever go to college?
No, but I went to a university. I graduated summa cum laude with a degree in pimping.
42. Where are you right now?
In a room in a house in a town in a county in a state in a country in a continent in a hemisphere of a planet in the Seventh Superuniverse...and so on...
43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Bugs in my ears.
44. Last song listened to?
"Saturday Night's Alright for Docky Pecky"
46. Are you allergic to anything?
Weed, tree pollen and air.
47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Steel toed boots. They are a formidable weapon and really not all that uncomfortable when you consider all the havoc they are capable of wreaking.
49. Are you jealous of anyone?
The man in the moon.
50. Is anyone jealous of you?
The man in the moon.
51. Do you love anyone?
The man in the mirror.
52. Do any of your friends have children?
Some of my friends have children but none of their children have any friends.
53. Do you eat healthy?
Of course...if one considers fried foods and twinkies healthy.
54. What do you usually do during the day?
Try to repair the damage done by what I usually do during the night.
55. Do you hate anyone right now?
I hate everyone in the town of Meeker. They all piss me off. No particular reason. Not just because their police force is overzealous, though that is a factor. I just can't stand any of 'em.
56. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
A few times when I look into the mirror.
58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
Docky Pecky.
59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Twice when the sheer pummeling force of boredom left no alternative.
60. How did you get one of your scars?
I only have one scar, which was a result of a fierce swashbucling bout that I once experienced when I told Humphrey Bogart that Ingrid Bergman was Docky Pecky. He slashed my upper torso and left a gash that sickens even me.
