A fellow poster in an online community I participate in pointed out to me a recent comment by Madonna.
Ladies and gentlemen, the comment and my response:
Straight men need to be emasculated. I'm sorry. They all need to be slapped around. Women have been kept down for too long. Every straight guy should have a man's tongue in his mouth at least once. - Madonna
I'm sure all the straight guys who have fucked Madonna silly feel chastised by her remarks...maybe that doesn't make sense until you realize that the total number of straight men who have fucked Madonna silly is roughly equal to the population of San Francisco and Tuscon, Arizona combined.
Of course she'd wants to alienate all straight males who bother her...she's tired and she's sore.
The whole "straight guy needs to eat a man's tongue at least once" is just another example of her insatiable need to shock people (in this case, the vast majority of males on the planet, heterosexuals) in a desperate attempt to keep her name from showing up on the "Who Gives A Shit" list. She's completely oblivious to the fact that it's been perched at the top of that list ever since she broke up with Sean Penn.
Most straight guys are going to balk at the suggestion that they enjoy the juicy goodness of a man's tongue in their mouth. I would assume that any revulsion to such a fabulous idea would stem from the fact that...uh...let's seenow...they're...now what is the word I'm looking for?...oh, yeah: They're STRAIGHT!!! Why should a STRAIGHT man need to have another man's tongue in his mouth? You'd think that a STRAIGHT man would rarely, if ever, find himself in a position where he might snack on what we in the business refer to as "the homosexual tongue". This delicioius part of the homosexual male anatomy is defined as a tongue that doesn't belong in a straight man's mouth by mutual agreement between both hetero AND homosexuals who have been blessed at birth with the useful appendage of a tongue.
"Women have been kept down for too long"? ? ? What the hell is this? The early 70's? Surely women's rights have come a long way, baby, since those bra-burning days? I mean, we've got a woman running for president, for God's sake. We've got one trying to be the Speaker of the House. Where the hell are women "kept down"? Iraq, maybe? Afghanistan? Certainly not in the USA or any other similarly civilized countries.
Maybe she's planning on releasing a cover version of that once-famous Women's Lib anthem, "I Am Woman" by Helen Reddy. Shit...I'd bet there are countless women in the USA who have never even heard of the movement called Women's Lib. That's because it was a succesful movement. Women are NOT "kept down" anymore, and certainly not to the extent that they were during the bra-burning days.
"Women have been kept down for too long"...ah, that's rich, coming from a woman who decided early on that she wasn't going to be kept down...so she fucked her way up to the top of the ladder. It was all fine and good, looking down on the world from the top of that ladder, able to give the old whore routine a well-deserved rest. But now her schtick has grown tiresome to most people and she's been knocked a few rungs from her perch. Practically nobody cares anymore so she's not able to get back to where she was 10 years ago. She thinks she's being "kept down" and decides that she speaks for all the women in the world (although with women, you may notice, she doesn't see fit to differentiate homo- from heterosexual). "We're being kept down, gals. The straight male is walkin' all over us. We must stand up and fight against those who would prefer to have our tongues in their mouths instead of their gay friends' tongues!"
"I'm sorry", she says.
What? For being a dumbass? Or for opening your mouth and spewing out such ignorant nonsense? Or maybe you're saying you're sorry to the numerous straight males who have enjoyed the pleasure of your well-documented skills, sorry that you want to "slap them around", that you've decided "they need to be emasculated".
God damn, bitch, are you holdin' a grudge or something? Because that's a bit lop-sided to suggest that all us straight men should be castrated while all your gay friends can skip the clipping. Do you realize what you're suggesting, you stupid slut? Nothing less than the total annihilation of the human race within less than 200 years!!! Is that what you want? You're worse than Hitler.
It shouldn't be too hard to reason it out, but I doubt "Madge" has taken the time to think it over, to truly understand the implications of what she's advocating. Let me spell it out for you, Ms. Ciccone...Straight males get their balls whacked off and can no longer reproduce. Gay males ain't plantin' no seed in fertile soil. Gay women don't give a shit about the whole reproductive process. Tongues and toys for them, by golly. And the real losers in the whole deal are the straight females, ironically the main demographic that put Madonna on the map (trust me, most of the guys weren't buying that "Like a Virgin" shit...oh, we'd sit in front of the telly and watch the video, but none of us wasted our beer money on it). Cyndi Lauper once said that "Girls just want to have fun..." to which Madonna replies, "FUCK the girls! Oh, yeah, they've been kept down for too long...do you want to know what my solution is? Eradicate an essential part of the reproductive process (and any "fun" that might come along with it) UNTIL YOU ALL DIE OUT!!!"...
Oh, but maybe Madonna is just championing the bi-sexual community. That seems more like it, since I can't quite wrap my mind around the concept that the Material Girl is Pol Pot reincarnated. Maybe she's thinking that the "all or nothing at all" guys, the ones who may have really enjoyed a tongue lunch with a side of tits and ass, will be the ones who will populate the earth from now on. And bi-sexual females will be the only ones who'll care to bed these boys down.
If there is a "genetic disposition" that makes a person homosexual, then I'd like to know if there is a similar gene that makes a person bi? I have it on good authority (the solid word of an educated gay friend of mine) that there is no such thing as a bi-sexual man. Just homosexual men in denial. I admit that I see the logic in that. So what happens in Madonna's post-apocalyptic world when the ratio of bi-sexual males a.) have become enlightened as to their inborn sexuality or b.) get tired of sleeping with bi-sexual females?
Either way the prospects look grim for us poor straight folks. "Slapped around" indeed! Okay, maybe it isn't the total eradication of all humankind. Maybe she sees it as the bi-sexual triumph of the world, where she will, in the future, looked back upon as a liberator and even a goddess of a "heterosexual-free" civilization. Those of us who enjoy the wonderously natural pleasures of the opposite sex will be swept up in a holocaust of Biblical proportions.
Bikers are FUCKED!
I have taken into account that some of the off-spring in these bi-sexual unions may turn out to be straight males. Why, you say, couldn't they help the AC/DC community repopulate the planet?
I'll tell you why. BECAUSE THEY'RE STRAIGHT! That propensity alone qualifies them for emasculation in a world governed by Madonna's laws. And those bi-sexuals who prefer women over men (are there any?) had better watch out, because if the powers-that-be decide that you're a little TOO straight, yer gonna get cut.
So FUCK YOU, Madonna. I hope all of your straight friends (if you have any left) tell you to fuck off, including the ones who weild the power at your record label (you know, the ones who put the money into your own two-bit Maverick Records shit-manufacturing company). Hopefully these high ranking individuals will come to the same realization that I have in regards to your planned gendercide and close their wallets to one who has already wasted more of their money than the most adept swindler could have. And what do they have to show for it? Some of the most worthless music ever committed to the Compact Disc medium, a fame-whore whose lifestyle contradicts the idea that "women have been kept down for too long", and perhaps even worse, a dumb fuck who has nothing to say but can't seem to keep her mouth shut.
For too long we have had to endure this woman's bullshit. The very ones who made her famous have been alienated for so long by her conjured controversy that they wish she would just bow out with some grace, kinda like Patti Smythe (from the long forgotten band Scandal) did. Her sagging record sales over the last several years are proof that the ones who once loved her have become sick and tired of her, it's not just that the records are no good anymore...which they're not, but that's just my opinion of them.
On the other hand, it is NOT my opinion that Madonna, with this recent comment, has gone too far. If the straight world gets pissed (which is her transparently obvious motive), well so they should. She wants 'em slapped around, forced to snack on gay (or bi-sexual) tongue, CASTRATED (for God's sake) and to top it all off, she wants 'em eradicated. I'd say they have a pretty strong case for being pissed at her.
Well, she can have her demented ideas, she can dwell on 'em like some dysfunctional teen memorizing "Mein Kempf". She can fantasize and play out the wicked schemes in her head like it was some kind of bi-sexual Dungeons & Dragons game. Fantasies never hurt anyone, as long as they remain within the realm of fantasy.
You do that, Madge. BUT KEEP IT TO YOURSELF! Besides, there's likely to be less resistance to your plan on the hetero side if you don't blab it to everyone.
It's dooms-day for us...we'd just as soon not know.
