8.31.2008
K-W Memories
1984 and the first few months of the next year I spent working at K-W Manufacturing. It was like a factory job, at least that’s how I would describe it. I would take all these round quartz crystals and place them on machines that ground them down to certain thicknesses, which would cause them to emit radio frequencies---the thinner the crystal, the higher the frequency (and the greater chance that many would be broken during the beveling process).
It was a typical day job. I showed up at 7:00, drank copious amounts of coffee and worked for 8 hours until 3:00 with a half hour for lunch. I was never much of a morning person. I had a routine, every single morning before I did anything else I would go to the bathroom sink, splash myself with icy water and sing to myself, “Cold water in the face/brings you back to this awful place.” A lyric from “The Magnificent Seven” by the Clash. I repeated it like a mantra and, sure enough, it seemed to bring me around. At least until I got to work and started in on the free coffee.
There were only about 10, maybe 15 people working in the section of the plant where I was stationed. I got to know all of them as well as you’d want to get to know your co-workers. There was a lot of down time spent waiting for crystals to be ground to a certain pitch and sometimes we would stand around doing crossword puzzles, giving out the clues with everyone trying to answer them.
The guy who sat next to me was named Brad. Most of the time I worked there he and I got along just fine. There was a point where we began to hate each other, but I couldn’t tell you why or if there even WAS a reason other than just being sick and tired of such close proximity on a daily basis.
He started bringing books to work and he’d read them in between checking his work. I thought, aha! What a great idea! I read “The Catcher In The Rye” while on the job. I read a lot of books there, actually, until the head supervisor decided he didn’t like the looks of it. He laid down the law and out literary pursuits were stifled.
Brad found a girlfriend and they got engaged. Her name was Beth and she was a very attractive woman…you know what I’m going to say, don’t you?…much hotter than he deserved. I’d been married for a couple of years so he was always wanting to talk about that. Somehow, some way, I couldn’t tell you why if I tried, the conversation steered itself to a dare. I told him I would make a cassette tape recording of my wife and I fooling around in bed if her would do the same with Beth. Then we would swap tapes.
I am almost positive that I did not expect him to take the whole thing seriously. But, lo and behold, the next day he showed up with a tape and gave it to me. I was surprised, to say the least, but I was also very curious to hear it. I mean, Beth was a real looker.
The recording was well made. You didn’t have to see what was going on…in fact, the pictures in your head would be preferable because then you wouldn’t have to see Brad’s dog-ugly face. I don’t know if it pissed him off that I never reciprocated by giving him a tape of one of my own whoopee sessions with the wife. But surely he didn’t think I was being serious about any of it, and if he decided to actually follow through on his part then that’s all of his own accord.
But, as I said, I don’t think he got too awful mad…he and Beth accepted a dinner invitation from us. We had never invited anyone over for anything like that before, so it was all new to us. Barbara made manicotti and we’d bought a bottle of wine. I had also picked up a bottle of rum along with pina colada and strawberry dacquiri mixes.
The night went well, I thought, although it turned a little weird late into it…I say “weird”…it wasn’t really “odd”, it was just unexpected and we didn’t know how to react.
The alcohol had already started it’s work, I suppose. I don’t remember exactly what we were doing most of the night, but I certainly recall when Brad and Beth started making out right in front of us. They got into a lip-lock, held onto each other like drowning sailors and lowered themselves to the floor as if they were in a hotel room of their own. Barbara and I were unsure what we should do, so we decided to make out ourselves. We didn’t make it to the floor, though. God knows what would have happened if we’d wound up down there with them? Young love.
I have no memory of them leaving. The next thing I can recall is kneeling in front of the bowl puking out enough rum to make me swear the stuff off for the rest of my life (which I have had no problem doing). I was swooning. It was one of very few times I have ever been really and truly sloshed. I was so sick I couldn’t go to sleep. I left the bed and went into the living room to watch some TV. I thought the distraction might keep my mind off of just how wasted I was. I wasn’t having any luck until my channel surfing landed me on USA Network’s “Night Flight”. The Grateful Dead were performing. It was the acoustic concert from the Fillmore that was released on the “Reckoning” album. I lay there and watched that concert and let the music calm me. Next thing you know I’m feeling good enough to fall asleep. Ever since then I have been a true Dead Head.
There was another guy I worked with, I think his name was Jeff. He wasn’t one of the smartest guys I’ve ever known. We didn’t talk too much. There was one time, however, when I accompanied him to the bank to cash our paychecks. I think I’d already cashed mine, though, because I’m almost certain I didn’t make any transactions that afternoon. We were in his van, stopped at the drive-through. When they sent back the money envelopes there were three instead of two (Jeff and a friend of his had both cashed checks). He handed me the third envelope. I’m sure he thought it was mine. Nothing was said about it.
I peeked into it…and there was THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY FIVE DOLLARS !!!
Now, if that were to happen today I would, without hesitation, point out the accident to the bank folks and return the money. But it just wasn’t that way back then. I wound up spending it all on phonograph records and a hanging lamp. Yep, that’s a lot of records, cuz’ that lamp couldn’t have cost any more than twenty bucks.
The only other thing I remember about the job at K-W was the foreman, a weasly hermit named Alan. He had a reputation for being a strange individual, and he would often speak of the acid trip that was so bad that it made him give up drugs altogether. He turned to God in the guise of Herbert W. Armstrong’s Worldwide Church of God. He was always going on about how the Roman Catholic Church was the Beast of the Revelation. He had tracts from Armstrong’s ministry which purported the same and much more drivel (a lot of Sabbath and Old Testament Festival resurrection). He proselytized so hard for that cult it was ridiculous. His main method of evangelism was to try and make other denominations look foolish, like they were all bogus (as I’ve since learned is the practice of more than one orthodox Christian sects). I was a Methodist, and he was constantly insulting me about it. His bullshit spiel was one of the main reasons I walked off the job one hot afternoon in March, 1985.
The job I worked prior to K-W was at the ice plant. I froze my ass off there. If memory serves, my duties were to chop ice from a huge block, put it in a grinder then bag it when it was done. That sounds about like what I did there, but I could be wrong. It wasn’t a very memorable employment.
Then after I left K-W I joined the Navy. I didn’t think I could find work anywhere. My wife was pregnant and it became very obvious that drastic measures were in order. Thus I found myself in Orlando, Florida, not knowing what the hell I was doing there. I should have known it would never work. I am the exact opposite of the kind of person who can make it in the military.
It was a typical day job. I showed up at 7:00, drank copious amounts of coffee and worked for 8 hours until 3:00 with a half hour for lunch. I was never much of a morning person. I had a routine, every single morning before I did anything else I would go to the bathroom sink, splash myself with icy water and sing to myself, “Cold water in the face/brings you back to this awful place.” A lyric from “The Magnificent Seven” by the Clash. I repeated it like a mantra and, sure enough, it seemed to bring me around. At least until I got to work and started in on the free coffee.
There were only about 10, maybe 15 people working in the section of the plant where I was stationed. I got to know all of them as well as you’d want to get to know your co-workers. There was a lot of down time spent waiting for crystals to be ground to a certain pitch and sometimes we would stand around doing crossword puzzles, giving out the clues with everyone trying to answer them.
The guy who sat next to me was named Brad. Most of the time I worked there he and I got along just fine. There was a point where we began to hate each other, but I couldn’t tell you why or if there even WAS a reason other than just being sick and tired of such close proximity on a daily basis.
He started bringing books to work and he’d read them in between checking his work. I thought, aha! What a great idea! I read “The Catcher In The Rye” while on the job. I read a lot of books there, actually, until the head supervisor decided he didn’t like the looks of it. He laid down the law and out literary pursuits were stifled.
Brad found a girlfriend and they got engaged. Her name was Beth and she was a very attractive woman…you know what I’m going to say, don’t you?…much hotter than he deserved. I’d been married for a couple of years so he was always wanting to talk about that. Somehow, some way, I couldn’t tell you why if I tried, the conversation steered itself to a dare. I told him I would make a cassette tape recording of my wife and I fooling around in bed if her would do the same with Beth. Then we would swap tapes.
I am almost positive that I did not expect him to take the whole thing seriously. But, lo and behold, the next day he showed up with a tape and gave it to me. I was surprised, to say the least, but I was also very curious to hear it. I mean, Beth was a real looker.
The recording was well made. You didn’t have to see what was going on…in fact, the pictures in your head would be preferable because then you wouldn’t have to see Brad’s dog-ugly face. I don’t know if it pissed him off that I never reciprocated by giving him a tape of one of my own whoopee sessions with the wife. But surely he didn’t think I was being serious about any of it, and if he decided to actually follow through on his part then that’s all of his own accord.
But, as I said, I don’t think he got too awful mad…he and Beth accepted a dinner invitation from us. We had never invited anyone over for anything like that before, so it was all new to us. Barbara made manicotti and we’d bought a bottle of wine. I had also picked up a bottle of rum along with pina colada and strawberry dacquiri mixes.
The night went well, I thought, although it turned a little weird late into it…I say “weird”…it wasn’t really “odd”, it was just unexpected and we didn’t know how to react.
The alcohol had already started it’s work, I suppose. I don’t remember exactly what we were doing most of the night, but I certainly recall when Brad and Beth started making out right in front of us. They got into a lip-lock, held onto each other like drowning sailors and lowered themselves to the floor as if they were in a hotel room of their own. Barbara and I were unsure what we should do, so we decided to make out ourselves. We didn’t make it to the floor, though. God knows what would have happened if we’d wound up down there with them? Young love.
I have no memory of them leaving. The next thing I can recall is kneeling in front of the bowl puking out enough rum to make me swear the stuff off for the rest of my life (which I have had no problem doing). I was swooning. It was one of very few times I have ever been really and truly sloshed. I was so sick I couldn’t go to sleep. I left the bed and went into the living room to watch some TV. I thought the distraction might keep my mind off of just how wasted I was. I wasn’t having any luck until my channel surfing landed me on USA Network’s “Night Flight”. The Grateful Dead were performing. It was the acoustic concert from the Fillmore that was released on the “Reckoning” album. I lay there and watched that concert and let the music calm me. Next thing you know I’m feeling good enough to fall asleep. Ever since then I have been a true Dead Head.
There was another guy I worked with, I think his name was Jeff. He wasn’t one of the smartest guys I’ve ever known. We didn’t talk too much. There was one time, however, when I accompanied him to the bank to cash our paychecks. I think I’d already cashed mine, though, because I’m almost certain I didn’t make any transactions that afternoon. We were in his van, stopped at the drive-through. When they sent back the money envelopes there were three instead of two (Jeff and a friend of his had both cashed checks). He handed me the third envelope. I’m sure he thought it was mine. Nothing was said about it.
I peeked into it…and there was THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY FIVE DOLLARS !!!
Now, if that were to happen today I would, without hesitation, point out the accident to the bank folks and return the money. But it just wasn’t that way back then. I wound up spending it all on phonograph records and a hanging lamp. Yep, that’s a lot of records, cuz’ that lamp couldn’t have cost any more than twenty bucks.
The only other thing I remember about the job at K-W was the foreman, a weasly hermit named Alan. He had a reputation for being a strange individual, and he would often speak of the acid trip that was so bad that it made him give up drugs altogether. He turned to God in the guise of Herbert W. Armstrong’s Worldwide Church of God. He was always going on about how the Roman Catholic Church was the Beast of the Revelation. He had tracts from Armstrong’s ministry which purported the same and much more drivel (a lot of Sabbath and Old Testament Festival resurrection). He proselytized so hard for that cult it was ridiculous. His main method of evangelism was to try and make other denominations look foolish, like they were all bogus (as I’ve since learned is the practice of more than one orthodox Christian sects). I was a Methodist, and he was constantly insulting me about it. His bullshit spiel was one of the main reasons I walked off the job one hot afternoon in March, 1985.
The job I worked prior to K-W was at the ice plant. I froze my ass off there. If memory serves, my duties were to chop ice from a huge block, put it in a grinder then bag it when it was done. That sounds about like what I did there, but I could be wrong. It wasn’t a very memorable employment.
Then after I left K-W I joined the Navy. I didn’t think I could find work anywhere. My wife was pregnant and it became very obvious that drastic measures were in order. Thus I found myself in Orlando, Florida, not knowing what the hell I was doing there. I should have known it would never work. I am the exact opposite of the kind of person who can make it in the military.
8.30.2008
I finally got the laptop connected to the internet via the router. I would explain the whole gory details but I'm emberassed because it was something I should have figured out when we set up the network. At any rate, I'm up and running so you'll probably see more posts. Not necessarilly "quality" posts, but posts nonetheless.
If you've checked in the last few days you will no doubt remember that I bought a coconut. I don't usually buy coconuts. I don't even know if I LIKE fresh coconut. Every few years I think I just have to have one, perhaps to remind myself whether or not I enjoy them.
I cracked that coconut open last night and it smelled so nasty. I don't know if I got a bad one or what. If not I think I'll make it a point to make a mental note of how nasty it was so that in the future I won't waste my money.
The reason I'm thinking it might be a bad one (besides the smell) is because there appeared to be some kind of bruising on parts of the meat and when it was extricated I saw what looked like mold on the inner shell. I could be wrong...maybe that's what all coconuts look like when they're opened. Even so, it doesn't matter. The only way I'll eat coconut ever again is if I get stranded on Gilligan's Island.
I cracked that coconut open last night and it smelled so nasty. I don't know if I got a bad one or what. If not I think I'll make it a point to make a mental note of how nasty it was so that in the future I won't waste my money.
The reason I'm thinking it might be a bad one (besides the smell) is because there appeared to be some kind of bruising on parts of the meat and when it was extricated I saw what looked like mold on the inner shell. I could be wrong...maybe that's what all coconuts look like when they're opened. Even so, it doesn't matter. The only way I'll eat coconut ever again is if I get stranded on Gilligan's Island.
8.29.2008
Yet another MySpace questionnaire. I had so much fun doing the one from a couple of days ago I thought I would waste a little more time and do another.
Enjoy and learn.
Pick a word that begins with the first letter of your last name?
.....Crap
Your ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you say?
....."I'm sorry, who did you say you were? I don't recognize you."
Have you ever caught anything on fire?
.....When I was a kid I burned a bunch of Black Sabbath records in a desperate attempt to make myself feel like I was doing God a favour . What a dolt. At least they were available on CD by the time I was able to replace them.
Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself?
.....Carrot Top......NO! Just kidding! I hate Carrot Top.
How many bedrooms are in your house?
.....Well, there were three but we converted one into an office, so I guess the answer to the question is THREE BEDROOMS, one of which houses a computer and shelves of books instead of a bed.
How many times have you been to the ER?
.....I have never been to the equestrian races.
Is your (MySpace) profile private? Why/why not?
.....Of course it's not private. What fun would that be? I was around here before there were such things as "private profiles". As for WHY my profile is NOT private...I don't think I'm stupid enough to put anything out there that's going to mandate a private profile. Not to say that people who have private profiles are stupid or gullible, I just don't see the need for it. I WANT people to see my profile. I put a lot of work into it. I like the way it looks and I don't mind sharing what little there is anyone could get to know about me through it (very little). I guess it all depends on why people are here...
Do you drink soda?
.....Once, in a blindfolded test, I asked a friend to drink from two different cups. One was full of Mountain Dew. The other contained about 6 ounces of my urine. He could not tell the difference.
Have you ever been on an airplane?
.....A couple of times. Airplanes are cool, but helicopters are better (not joking there..they used to give helicopter rides in Branson and I went on one of those...now that's fun, flitting through the sky with only a glass bubble between you and gravity's pull).
Marriage in your future?
.....Yes. I don't doubt that someday my son will get married.
Is McDonald's disgusting?
.....I have only recently stopped eating at McDonalds, after getting some gristly meat on a few double cheeseburgers. I don't know if it's always been that way and I just didn't notice it...or if the situation is a recent one, but it all boils down to the same conclusion...I ain't eatin' there no more.
Do you like your life?
.....I like it better than the alternative (at least for now).
Do you have trust issues?
.....There's no thing as a trust "issue". If you've got a "trust issue" that's the same thing as saying you're a "realist".
In the past 24 hours have you been under the influence?
.....Unfortunately not. I ran out a couple of days ago. (hardy har har, right?)
How has this past week been for you?
.....It's made me older.
Who are you disappointed in right now?
.....I really don't think I'm in any position to be disappointed with ANYBODY right now. Maybe Jerry Springer.
Do tattoos and piercings excite you?
.....I don't have either, so how would I know? ;)
Is there a reason for your myspace song?
.....I don't have a MySpace song, I have a Project Playlist music player stuffed to the brim with Sigur Ros songs. The reason? Because as far as I'm concerned they are the best band of all time.
Do you hate the last girl/guy you were talking to?
......Hate is a strong word and should be reserved for something a lot more despicable than any girl or guy I might have been talking to. If you're going to hate, at least store it up for those who deserve it (bin Laden, Al Queda, the Taliban, Carrot Top).
What are you listening to?
.....Nothing right now. Just a moment ago I heard my own laughter when I wrote the thing about hating Carrot Top. Before that I was listening to Sun Kil Moon's "April", which I played through twice.
How good is Coca-Cola?
.....It's pretty good but it was a lot better when they used cocaine instead of caffeine.
Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
.....Not if I can help it.
Last thing you ate?
.....I ate a chicken fried steak dinner w/french fries, corn, cole slaw and a slice of Texas toast. I didn't really care all that much for it. I don't generally eat chicken fried steak but I decided to do something different. I wish I hadn't now. In fact, in retrospect, I think I would have rather eaten a dog turd than chicken fried steak. Maybe tomorrow.
Have you ever thrown up from drinking?
.....Only from drinking alcoholic beverages. Of course I have. I remember one time I drank a six pack of Michelob Extra Dark, a couple of small bottles of Kahlua and a shot or three of Jack Daniels. Oh, man. The trail of vomit that spanned the distance between my bed and the bathroom had a stench that was almost as disgusting as the hue of the carpet stain after it was cleaned up. Then there was the time I got so drunk I fell down on the grass, couldn't get up, puked and fell asleep in it. And my wife will never forget the night I came home after drinking too many pints of Guiness...but I will spare you the details.
Toilet papered someones house?
.....I don't recollect doing that. I broke a few windows when I was younger. I felt that toilet papering a house was for light-weights. Just pick up a rock from the ground and throw it...cheaper than a roll of toilet paper.
Have you ever had a crush on your siblings friend?
.....You know, I don't remember him having any girlfriends until he got married. He might have had...I just don't remember. But wait...you just said "friend", right? In that case, he used to run with some tough guys and I seriously considered having a crush on one of them. I probably would have done it, too, if I hadn't remembered what a flaming heterosexual I am...
Whats the longest amount of time you've been on an airplane?
.....Long enough to wish that those teensy-weensy bottles of booze the serve were a LOT bigger.
Have you ever been out of your country?
.....Pissed off a few beggars just across the border from El Paso to Juarez. Mexico may well be a wonderful place, but this particular section of Juarez was awful. I was there with a friend who was the photographer for the school newspaper. He had his camera strapped around his neck. This Mexican dude comes up to him and starts saying "Donkey? Donkey show?" He said he had transportation to take us there. We were still wet behind the ears and had no idea what a "donkey show" was. It was explained to us later and I realized that the guy saw my friend's camera and thought he might be interested in taking pictures of the event. When I learned the meaning of "donkey show" I was disgusted and shocked. I'd never even considered that such vile things happened on this planet. When my friend found out what the guy meant by "donkey show" he loaded his camera with film and headed back south...okay, that last sentence was bullshit. But I swear the rest is true.
What's the best wedding you've been to?
.....No.
Do you have a Honda, Toyota or Nissan?
.....No sir, I don't. I have owned a Toyota and it was the ugliest car on the road, but let me tell you it was a work horse that could not be stopped. The wife christened it "sea biscuit" for reasons unknown to me.
What time did you wake up this morning?
.....About 2 hours before I wanted to.
When was the last time you were really sick?
.....It's been several months, but I remember it as if it were yesterday. Spaghetti noodles spurting out of the nose? Oh no, you don't forget that.
Does it matter to you if your bf/gf smokes cigs?
.....Yes, it does.
Last person you texted?
.....I don't "text". I know how to use a telephone.
Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
.....As I contemplate an answer to this question I was struck with a revelation from the Supreme Being, who spoke to me, as He usually does, by divinely arranging the letters in my alphabet soup. This time the pasta read: 'WHAT THE HELL DOES IT MATTER? WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK? WHY ARE YOU CONTEMPLATING AN ANSWER FOR THIS QUESTION? ARE YOU REALLY SO BORED? WHY DON'T YOU TURN OFF THE COMPUTER AND GO TAKE A SHOWER. YOU STINK. SERIOUSLY, DUDE, YOU REEK."
Have you ever been to New York?
.....I've seen enough Woody Allen movies and listened to enough of Lou Reed's music that I feel as if I've been there.
Have you ever been to Florida?
.....My 6 months in Florida may as well have been spent in Juarez, miserable as they were.
Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
.....Do dolphins count?
Myspace or Facebook?
.....MySpace, because I just don't care enough to start over from scratch with all this social networking crap. I probably wouldn't be at MySpace if Friendster had caught on. I don't know if Facebook is going to last or if it's just trendy and hip to be a member there. Either way I doubt if I'll switch unless everybody I know here abdicates to Facebook. That's what happened with Friendster...everybody left and came here...
Has 2008 been good so far?
.....All in all I think 2008 has been pretty good. Yeah...it's been very good. 2007 was a little bit better. Finding my daughter on MySpace kind of put that year over the top, but it's not unreasonable to hope that 2008 will at least be as good as last year was. None of it is up to me, though.
When is your next road trip?
.....Probably the next time Sigur Ros play a concert within a couple of hundred miles from my home.
What color are your eyes?
.....It's weird, but I couldn't even tell you. Seriously, I'd have to ask someone to look at them and tell me.
What color is your hair?
.....Brown with a tiny bit of red mixed in...and a lot of grey. I don't mind my hair turning grey as long as it doesn't just grow in a straight line across my head. I wouldn't want to be called "skunk" by some of the more cruel members of our small community.
What would you rather be doing?
.....Negotiating with a Genie about my third wish.
Enjoy and learn.
Pick a word that begins with the first letter of your last name?
.....Crap
Your ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you say?
....."I'm sorry, who did you say you were? I don't recognize you."
Have you ever caught anything on fire?
.....When I was a kid I burned a bunch of Black Sabbath records in a desperate attempt to make myself feel like I was doing God a favour . What a dolt. At least they were available on CD by the time I was able to replace them.
Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself?
.....Carrot Top......NO! Just kidding! I hate Carrot Top.
How many bedrooms are in your house?
.....Well, there were three but we converted one into an office, so I guess the answer to the question is THREE BEDROOMS, one of which houses a computer and shelves of books instead of a bed.
How many times have you been to the ER?
.....I have never been to the equestrian races.
Is your (MySpace) profile private? Why/why not?
.....Of course it's not private. What fun would that be? I was around here before there were such things as "private profiles". As for WHY my profile is NOT private...I don't think I'm stupid enough to put anything out there that's going to mandate a private profile. Not to say that people who have private profiles are stupid or gullible, I just don't see the need for it. I WANT people to see my profile. I put a lot of work into it. I like the way it looks and I don't mind sharing what little there is anyone could get to know about me through it (very little). I guess it all depends on why people are here...
Do you drink soda?
.....Once, in a blindfolded test, I asked a friend to drink from two different cups. One was full of Mountain Dew. The other contained about 6 ounces of my urine. He could not tell the difference.
Have you ever been on an airplane?
.....A couple of times. Airplanes are cool, but helicopters are better (not joking there..they used to give helicopter rides in Branson and I went on one of those...now that's fun, flitting through the sky with only a glass bubble between you and gravity's pull).
Marriage in your future?
.....Yes. I don't doubt that someday my son will get married.
Is McDonald's disgusting?
.....I have only recently stopped eating at McDonalds, after getting some gristly meat on a few double cheeseburgers. I don't know if it's always been that way and I just didn't notice it...or if the situation is a recent one, but it all boils down to the same conclusion...I ain't eatin' there no more.
Do you like your life?
.....I like it better than the alternative (at least for now).
Do you have trust issues?
.....There's no thing as a trust "issue". If you've got a "trust issue" that's the same thing as saying you're a "realist".
In the past 24 hours have you been under the influence?
.....Unfortunately not. I ran out a couple of days ago. (hardy har har, right?)
How has this past week been for you?
.....It's made me older.
Who are you disappointed in right now?
.....I really don't think I'm in any position to be disappointed with ANYBODY right now. Maybe Jerry Springer.
Do tattoos and piercings excite you?
.....I don't have either, so how would I know? ;)
Is there a reason for your myspace song?
.....I don't have a MySpace song, I have a Project Playlist music player stuffed to the brim with Sigur Ros songs. The reason? Because as far as I'm concerned they are the best band of all time.
Do you hate the last girl/guy you were talking to?
......Hate is a strong word and should be reserved for something a lot more despicable than any girl or guy I might have been talking to. If you're going to hate, at least store it up for those who deserve it (bin Laden, Al Queda, the Taliban, Carrot Top).
What are you listening to?
.....Nothing right now. Just a moment ago I heard my own laughter when I wrote the thing about hating Carrot Top. Before that I was listening to Sun Kil Moon's "April", which I played through twice.
How good is Coca-Cola?
.....It's pretty good but it was a lot better when they used cocaine instead of caffeine.
Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
.....Not if I can help it.
Last thing you ate?
.....I ate a chicken fried steak dinner w/french fries, corn, cole slaw and a slice of Texas toast. I didn't really care all that much for it. I don't generally eat chicken fried steak but I decided to do something different. I wish I hadn't now. In fact, in retrospect, I think I would have rather eaten a dog turd than chicken fried steak. Maybe tomorrow.
Have you ever thrown up from drinking?
.....Only from drinking alcoholic beverages. Of course I have. I remember one time I drank a six pack of Michelob Extra Dark, a couple of small bottles of Kahlua and a shot or three of Jack Daniels. Oh, man. The trail of vomit that spanned the distance between my bed and the bathroom had a stench that was almost as disgusting as the hue of the carpet stain after it was cleaned up. Then there was the time I got so drunk I fell down on the grass, couldn't get up, puked and fell asleep in it. And my wife will never forget the night I came home after drinking too many pints of Guiness...but I will spare you the details.
Toilet papered someones house?
.....I don't recollect doing that. I broke a few windows when I was younger. I felt that toilet papering a house was for light-weights. Just pick up a rock from the ground and throw it...cheaper than a roll of toilet paper.
Have you ever had a crush on your siblings friend?
.....You know, I don't remember him having any girlfriends until he got married. He might have had...I just don't remember. But wait...you just said "friend", right? In that case, he used to run with some tough guys and I seriously considered having a crush on one of them. I probably would have done it, too, if I hadn't remembered what a flaming heterosexual I am...
Whats the longest amount of time you've been on an airplane?
.....Long enough to wish that those teensy-weensy bottles of booze the serve were a LOT bigger.
Have you ever been out of your country?
.....Pissed off a few beggars just across the border from El Paso to Juarez. Mexico may well be a wonderful place, but this particular section of Juarez was awful. I was there with a friend who was the photographer for the school newspaper. He had his camera strapped around his neck. This Mexican dude comes up to him and starts saying "Donkey? Donkey show?" He said he had transportation to take us there. We were still wet behind the ears and had no idea what a "donkey show" was. It was explained to us later and I realized that the guy saw my friend's camera and thought he might be interested in taking pictures of the event. When I learned the meaning of "donkey show" I was disgusted and shocked. I'd never even considered that such vile things happened on this planet. When my friend found out what the guy meant by "donkey show" he loaded his camera with film and headed back south...okay, that last sentence was bullshit. But I swear the rest is true.
What's the best wedding you've been to?
.....No.
Do you have a Honda, Toyota or Nissan?
.....No sir, I don't. I have owned a Toyota and it was the ugliest car on the road, but let me tell you it was a work horse that could not be stopped. The wife christened it "sea biscuit" for reasons unknown to me.
What time did you wake up this morning?
.....About 2 hours before I wanted to.
When was the last time you were really sick?
.....It's been several months, but I remember it as if it were yesterday. Spaghetti noodles spurting out of the nose? Oh no, you don't forget that.
Does it matter to you if your bf/gf smokes cigs?
.....Yes, it does.
Last person you texted?
.....I don't "text". I know how to use a telephone.
Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
.....As I contemplate an answer to this question I was struck with a revelation from the Supreme Being, who spoke to me, as He usually does, by divinely arranging the letters in my alphabet soup. This time the pasta read: 'WHAT THE HELL DOES IT MATTER? WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK? WHY ARE YOU CONTEMPLATING AN ANSWER FOR THIS QUESTION? ARE YOU REALLY SO BORED? WHY DON'T YOU TURN OFF THE COMPUTER AND GO TAKE A SHOWER. YOU STINK. SERIOUSLY, DUDE, YOU REEK."
Have you ever been to New York?
.....I've seen enough Woody Allen movies and listened to enough of Lou Reed's music that I feel as if I've been there.
Have you ever been to Florida?
.....My 6 months in Florida may as well have been spent in Juarez, miserable as they were.
Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
.....Do dolphins count?
Myspace or Facebook?
.....MySpace, because I just don't care enough to start over from scratch with all this social networking crap. I probably wouldn't be at MySpace if Friendster had caught on. I don't know if Facebook is going to last or if it's just trendy and hip to be a member there. Either way I doubt if I'll switch unless everybody I know here abdicates to Facebook. That's what happened with Friendster...everybody left and came here...
Has 2008 been good so far?
.....All in all I think 2008 has been pretty good. Yeah...it's been very good. 2007 was a little bit better. Finding my daughter on MySpace kind of put that year over the top, but it's not unreasonable to hope that 2008 will at least be as good as last year was. None of it is up to me, though.
When is your next road trip?
.....Probably the next time Sigur Ros play a concert within a couple of hundred miles from my home.
What color are your eyes?
.....It's weird, but I couldn't even tell you. Seriously, I'd have to ask someone to look at them and tell me.
What color is your hair?
.....Brown with a tiny bit of red mixed in...and a lot of grey. I don't mind my hair turning grey as long as it doesn't just grow in a straight line across my head. I wouldn't want to be called "skunk" by some of the more cruel members of our small community.
What would you rather be doing?
.....Negotiating with a Genie about my third wish.
From the very beginning of my "music career" I have recorded rehearsals. I have tons of practice sessions on cassette tapes that I have stashed away. Songs being worked out, all the chit-chat between songs, in glorious lo-fi (ie. recorded on a cheap portable tape deck).
I picked out a few today that were some of the oldest in the lot. The Country Silver Band...the Situation...the Deep Fork River Band... I've got stuff on these tapes that I don't even remember. These particular ones were at least 25 years old.
Listening to them I could barely recognize myself. I wasn't paying attention to the music, although it was impossible not to notice what a bad singer I was at the time. I attribute that to a severe lack of self-confidence. I picked these ancient recordings because I wanted to hear the conversations between the songs. I thought it would be interesting to hear the things we talked about so long ago.
It was cool, but I really felt sorry for the guy who sounded a bit like me. He must have been really insecure. You can hear how uncomfortable he is in a social setting. But then, on the other hand, his passion for the music he was making is almost palpable. He knew he had a long, long way to go before he could legitimately call himself a real musician, but it certainly doesn't sound like he cares. He's having too much fun, he's caught up in possibilities. His dreaming has only just begun.
My dreaming is over now. Not that I'm lamenting. It was a pretty good dream, for what it was. It's been a long time since I woke up from that dream. In the years since I have come to appreciate the wisdom of those who tried to tell me I was dreaming in the first place. I followed it anyway.
I'm not disappointed in any of the music projects I've been involved with over the years (okay, maybe one or two bands were worth forgetting). I've had a lot of good times and met a lot of great people. Practically everyone of my friends are musicians as well who I got to know through one of those various music projects I spoke of.
But here I am, 46 years old, and it's not hard to realize that I would have been much better off had I not wanted to make music my full time job. I don't know if that makes me a failure, but if it does I imagine I'm only one of a very, very large group. I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. I mean, at least we tried, right?
I guess I'm thinking on all of this because my 13 year old son is already talking about a career in music. He's a lot smarter than I was, though. He understands that he needs to go to college and get a degree...not like his dad, who didn't want to wait (or work) for that. But even with a music degree there's not much one can do with it around here (another reason why I didn't bother). He would like to be a band director (just like his dad did), so if he follows that path he'll be majoring in education and minoring in music.
And that would be fine, but I think he is capable of so much more. His grasp of mathematics is incredible and he makes excellent grades in science. Hell, he makes good grades in all of his classes (and, yes, I guess it is a little premature for me to be thinking about his college education...). I'm just like my dad was...I would have him do something that would make it possible for him to enjoy the kind of prosperity that just isn't possible with a music diploma. Just like my dad wanted me to, I want him to make music his second job and not get too caught up in the dream. Not that I would take that away from him...
But that's still a few years away. He may well change his mind about the whole thing (though I didn't). I guess it just surprises me that, I hope he does. I hope that he never loses his love for music, performance, composition...I just hope he will keep it in perspective. Whatever he chooses, though, I will be supportive. I really do believe he can be whatever he wants and that he can be prosperous doing it. Even if he decides to follow in my footsteps I have no doubt that he'll take control of the dream and wield it to his advantage.
As for me, I'm just glad I've matured considerably from that dork I hear in the tapes I've been listening to.
Which is not to say that I don't enjoy doing the Bambo Syndicate stuff. The difference is that the Bambo project has only one goal: fun. You know, if I'd had that attitude about every musical endeavor I've ever been involved with over the years I don't doubt that I would have been more successful. Ambition, at least to me, is the mortal enemy of art. I guess what I mean to say is that if you're going to dream you should at least be happy with the dream itself, not how it turns out.
I picked out a few today that were some of the oldest in the lot. The Country Silver Band...the Situation...the Deep Fork River Band... I've got stuff on these tapes that I don't even remember. These particular ones were at least 25 years old.
Listening to them I could barely recognize myself. I wasn't paying attention to the music, although it was impossible not to notice what a bad singer I was at the time. I attribute that to a severe lack of self-confidence. I picked these ancient recordings because I wanted to hear the conversations between the songs. I thought it would be interesting to hear the things we talked about so long ago.
It was cool, but I really felt sorry for the guy who sounded a bit like me. He must have been really insecure. You can hear how uncomfortable he is in a social setting. But then, on the other hand, his passion for the music he was making is almost palpable. He knew he had a long, long way to go before he could legitimately call himself a real musician, but it certainly doesn't sound like he cares. He's having too much fun, he's caught up in possibilities. His dreaming has only just begun.
My dreaming is over now. Not that I'm lamenting. It was a pretty good dream, for what it was. It's been a long time since I woke up from that dream. In the years since I have come to appreciate the wisdom of those who tried to tell me I was dreaming in the first place. I followed it anyway.
I'm not disappointed in any of the music projects I've been involved with over the years (okay, maybe one or two bands were worth forgetting). I've had a lot of good times and met a lot of great people. Practically everyone of my friends are musicians as well who I got to know through one of those various music projects I spoke of.
But here I am, 46 years old, and it's not hard to realize that I would have been much better off had I not wanted to make music my full time job. I don't know if that makes me a failure, but if it does I imagine I'm only one of a very, very large group. I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. I mean, at least we tried, right?
I guess I'm thinking on all of this because my 13 year old son is already talking about a career in music. He's a lot smarter than I was, though. He understands that he needs to go to college and get a degree...not like his dad, who didn't want to wait (or work) for that. But even with a music degree there's not much one can do with it around here (another reason why I didn't bother). He would like to be a band director (just like his dad did), so if he follows that path he'll be majoring in education and minoring in music.
And that would be fine, but I think he is capable of so much more. His grasp of mathematics is incredible and he makes excellent grades in science. Hell, he makes good grades in all of his classes (and, yes, I guess it is a little premature for me to be thinking about his college education...). I'm just like my dad was...I would have him do something that would make it possible for him to enjoy the kind of prosperity that just isn't possible with a music diploma. Just like my dad wanted me to, I want him to make music his second job and not get too caught up in the dream. Not that I would take that away from him...
But that's still a few years away. He may well change his mind about the whole thing (though I didn't). I guess it just surprises me that, I hope he does. I hope that he never loses his love for music, performance, composition...I just hope he will keep it in perspective. Whatever he chooses, though, I will be supportive. I really do believe he can be whatever he wants and that he can be prosperous doing it. Even if he decides to follow in my footsteps I have no doubt that he'll take control of the dream and wield it to his advantage.
As for me, I'm just glad I've matured considerably from that dork I hear in the tapes I've been listening to.
Which is not to say that I don't enjoy doing the Bambo Syndicate stuff. The difference is that the Bambo project has only one goal: fun. You know, if I'd had that attitude about every musical endeavor I've ever been involved with over the years I don't doubt that I would have been more successful. Ambition, at least to me, is the mortal enemy of art. I guess what I mean to say is that if you're going to dream you should at least be happy with the dream itself, not how it turns out.
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