Aaargh, the last couple of days have been rough. I have all these thoughts in my head and I can't seem to stop them. They take precedence over everything else I try to do to distract myself from them. My failing eyesight prevents me from reading or watching a lot of television to divert my attention. But even then I find myself thinking about how short a period of time I will get relief via these methods and another thought comes to the surface that makes me wonder why I bother at all, since I'm going to get a headache and tension in my forehead no matter what. It's depressing as hell.
I know better than to think that a person's home can turn into a prison if he doesn't get out enough. Anyone who has been forced to spend a long time away from home should be able to tell you that it's just not so. Home is a part of you. But there is such a thing as "cabin fever" and I am most definitely experiencing that. We are broke, though, and still have to pay another $200 for my new glasses here in a day or two. It would do me a world of good to get out on the road, maybe get lost and see what I can find or plan a joyride across a few state lines. I've never been to California, it might be fun to go there. Hell, I've led such a sheltered, cloistered life I have only been to 7 states in my whole life. I never really had the desire to travel much, but these days I'm thinking it might be fun.
So what do I do? Well, I spend too much time on the computer, as has always been the case. Even this hobby is frustrating because it messes with my vision, just like reading a book or watching television. My options are mighty limited, as you can see. But I do have fun downloading music from blogs. Recently I've expanded my appreciation for funk/soul via a blog called All Soul And Funk Revue. Basically I'm trying to listen to all the bands that I remember were very popular with the black customers when I worked at Friends Records in 1982. They were the only ones who bought these records and they had strong opinions as to which ones were worth bothering with. There were a few divisive artists - it seemed like you either liked Prince or Michael Jackson, but not both - but for the most part everyone seemed to hold certain bands in equally high esteem. Some of these, which I am currently listening to, are Con Funk Shun, the Fatback Band, One Way, the Bar-Kays, Lakeside, Cameo, Zapp and a few others. I like them all a lot. I don't know why I never listened to them when they were fresh but better late than never.
I just now downloaded a 1981 performance of Wagner's "Lohengrin" with Herbert Van Karajan conducting. I've been looking for this particular opera for awhile. I'd also like to find a fairly recent (hopefully digital) recording of Wagner's Ring Cycle. The one I have, the Solti version, is from the late 50s-very early 60s. It's a wonderful rendition, and the sound quality is remarkably good for such a dated recording. But any Ring Cycle is a welcome addition to my collection, and I'd really like a newer one.
I've been communicating with my daughter via Facebook the last three or four days. I wouldn't bother mentioning it, except for the fact that I finally came out and said something about getting together. Not that I haven't kind of skirted around it in the past, but I've always been cautious because of the situation we find ourselves in. But this time I put it out in no uncertain terms and basically said, in so many words, that the ball was in her court. I told her not to mention it until/unless she wants to do it. Not that I don't think she might or might not want to do it, but the fact of the matter is that both she and I would likely be very uncomfortable with such a meeting, so I wanted to let her know that I would understand if she wasn't ready (or even if she'll EVER be ready).
My son started Drivers Ed today. I think he's under the impression that it's going to be a lot easier than it is. All I know is that he'd BETTER take it seriously. It's going to be very hard for me to get used to the idea of him driving. My dad worried like crazy about me and I think I've inherited that "worrying gene" myself. There's a little tension between my son and I right now, and it's frustrating to me, but I'm not up to giving out the details. Too complicated. I'll take the blame for it, though. Still no excuse for any of it.
A couple of weeks ago I bought the "100 Classic Books" program for the Nintendo DS. My wife has one but she rarely plays with it anymore, so when I saw an advertisement for the "virtual bookshelf" I decided it was something I would like to have. It is very cool. I started off with Victor Hugo's "Les Miserables". I actually like how the pages are a fraction the size of a normal book page, which I thought might be a negative. The book selection is pretty much exactly what I thought it would be. I'd like to read practically every one of them. Hell of a deal for $20. Sure, I could get the same thing with an iPad, even more...but I like it's compact nature and, perhaps even more important, I don't have the funds to purchase an iPad.
Okay, that's all I'm up to writing about for now. Later.
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