1.20.2010

Having broken my New Year's resolution over the course of the last 48 hours, I thought I would list the pros and cons of this latest experience. Perhaps this will be of use at a later date when I reconsider all the options again.

PRO: This particular bud smelled and tasted very, very good. That's usually a good harbinger.

PRO: It's effect on my enjoyment of music was typically remarkable. I don't think I've ever heard Mahler's sixth symphony like I did Monday night. Wagner's "Siegfried" sounded awesome. Also "grooved" to the classical and opera channels on Sirius XM. I don't know how many stoners out there dig the old school music when flying high, but I love it and prefer it to any other genre.

CON: My sleep patterns kind of got shaken up. This happens quite a lot to me when I mix Ambien and THC. Woke up at 5:00 am yesterday morning. Couldn't go back to sleep. It was 4:30 this morning when I woke up (with the aid of my wife's peculiar brand of snoring). I was able to fall back to sleep this time...but I had to put one of Rick Wakeman's New-Agey CDs on the stereo to help lull me back to my dreams.

CON: The dry mouth was pretty bad both Monday and Tuesday night while I was trying to sleep. Unsavory as it may be to contemplate, my breath reeked. Tasted awful.

PRO: Pickles tasted real, real good. The munchies made even the most "blah" food items in the house taste wonderful. This was actually a good thing, seeing as how we're pretty much down to JUST the "blah" food items.

CON: I ate WAY too many pickles.

PRO: Guided by the Weed Muse I produced and effects-laden re-mix of Henryk Gorecki's "Totus Tuus". I must have listened to that thing 10 times, it was SO beautiful. Listened to some of my other, more "ambient" Bambo stuff with a friend and found myself in a real nice zone.

CON: Noticed a new sound that has become manifest in my tinitus and it drove me crazy...well, ALMOST crazy. I could tell I was on the dividing line. I just started thinking how I would ALWAYS have this sound in my head, that it would NEVER go away. I was afraid that I would never be able to "get used to it" like I have the other ringing noise (not that I've ever been able to completely take it for granted, but what are you going to do, eh?). The noise was really noticeable while listening to the lower volume portions of the Gorecki re-mix and it distracted me. I was afraid I would never be able to listen to this kind of music again. I had to keep telling myself that it is a part of me, it's part of who I am, that it should be normal for me by now. But that thought alternately comforted and depressed. This has happened a few times in the recent past (though without the new sound), so at least it wasn't something new.

I guess that's about it. I'd say the pros and cons more or less cancelled each other out. Nothing worse than the stuff I'd originally thought would help me kick it. Nothing so incredible that I'd want to go back to being an everyday stoner. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. It seems like every time I do make some kind of commitment, though they obviously have not been 100% honored, I use less and less...so maybe there will come a time, sooner or later, when I'll just lose interest entirely and the end result will ultimately be the same. Even now, though the care package is long gone, I'm not feeming for more, and that is NOT normal for me.

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