From the Boards

It's the "Halloween", "Nightmare on Elm Street" "Friday the 13th" marathons that get to a man. Especially that last one. You could almost fill an entire 24 hour day watching all these sequels. No sleep. No appetite because all of the blood and gore has you a little grossed out. The lights off and the door unlocked. A six pack of Guiness stout warming up on the coffee table, sharing it's space with a bong, a lighter, and a miniature oak chest just big enough to handle the contents of your drug collection, the contents of which, I think you should know, have been diminishing gradually at a disturbingly rapid rate of speed. Maybe a shot of crack all nice and pre-prepared. That would surely do the trick. That would drive a novice horror film nut into the realms from which there is no turning back. Into a place where fantasy yields for one toxic moment and to live vicariously through these psychos is just not enough anymore. Next thing you know you got your wallet in your back pocket and you're still looking for your key chain. It ain't a big key chain. There aren't a whole lot of keys on it. But the two that a man genuinely needs are there...the house key and the car key.

So what do you do with the keys?

Well, you don't do nothing to the house key, understand? You take the car key to the car. You stick it into the ignition slot. You turn it. You feel the vibration of the vehicle, having been disturbed from a very deep, restful sleep. it grumbles and groans at the mercy of your feet. And then you drive that son-of-a-bitch to some dirty dive bar, abduct some young women, chop them up with sharp butcher knives and throw them from the jeep to the side of the road, for the crows to feast upon. It will be during the 11th installment of the "Friday the 13th" scare-a-thon that your mental stability will stretch past its breaking point. It was that 3rd murder scene that convinced you that there might be a lot of satisfaction in following down the path blazed by the hockey mask wearing bad guy in these movies. During the 4th murder scene you decided that it might be fun to BE THAT GUY, even for only a day or two.

Which is the point to where the very notion of a Rambo marathon could change a man's life, I can only respond that such a transformation could only be described as an inspirational moment of enlightenment that is often missed by people who do not think as highly of the Rambo quartet as others...But there's no comparison with the slasher lock-ins. They'll take you to places as horrifying as the most frightening nightmare landscapes you've ever experienced in your life. They will rob the young of innocence. That one will make an old man beg for death. That one will bring Elvis Presley back from the grave. That one defies description and doesn't deserve to share the same place in history as the span of my lifetime.

I don't recommend it. Not even with your pot party friends along for the ride. You will beg for a Rambo 5.

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