Over the past few days since we moved I kept a "move journal" that I'd planned to post here. It was up to 8 pages long when our local internet service came back up. Unfortunately I can't use LAN on my laptop and the WLAN from Windstream is still down. So I tried to convert the newest version of Microsoft Word Processor into a different format so I could transfer it to a flash drive and it would be recognizable on our main computer.
Fucked it up. Lost it. It is a testament to my novice computer skills that I don't know how to retrieve it. It's okay. Like I said, it was rather lengthy. I doubt anyone would have the patience to read through the whole thing.
In it's condensed form...
We moved into the house I grew up in. When the owner showed it to us it was the first time I'd been inside it's doors in 9 years. My dad's wife had, by that point, become adamant about my family not spending the night there even when it was an emergency. I don't know what she was trying to prove or why she was such a hard-ass about it. The weekend my dad passed away my family was in a bad way of one sort or another and we really needed a place to crash for the night. Dad was happy to let us but he was always respectful of her wishes so we had to ask her. It's hard to say it, especially now that he's gone, but she always had him wrapped around her finger and that usually meant that he had to go without doing some things he wanted to do while she had her way. For example, when I was playing in the house band at Charlie's Palace he never once came to see me. All my life he had been extremely proud of my musical accomplishments. He loved to hear me play country music. I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that he wanted to come see me play. But he never did. And there was only one reason. His wife. She envisioned herself a spiritual giant and was a stalwart member of a local Freewill Baptist Church. She didn't think too highly of places like Charlie's Palace (even though it had nothing in common with the kind of dive bars she may have legitimately wanted him to stay away from). She wouldn't be caught dead in a joint like that and dad wouldn't go out by himself without her, especially knowing how she felt about it.
That was only one example, but I digress...
Long story short, she would not let us stay at the house, knowing full well that it was only for that night. I'm also sure that she knew my dad had no problem with us bunking down there...I don't doubt that he would have let us stay there as long as he wanted if she hadn't been so against it. There was a confrontation at the last moment when I tried one last time to get her permission. One of her worthless sons was there and he decided he would put his two cents worth into the pot. We exchanged heated words and it was on the verge of violent fisticuffs when the police showed up (my wife had called them when we first got there, correctly prescient about what was to come). They kept us at bay and no one went to jail or had any charges filed against them. Then, a day or two later, my dad died and none of that mattered anymore. I knew I'd never see the inside of this house again. She never forgave my dislike and suspicion of her. She made a scene in the waiting room before the funeral and it was obvious that she wanted as little to do with us as we did with her.
Which brings me back to how lucky we are to finally be back here. Can you imagine the sense of revenge against her that I feel in being here? I try not to let it get to me. I'm not typically a vengeful person. But it's like the cherry on top, if you know what I mean.
Anyway, obviously the memories have been coming hard and heavy. I focus on the good ones. The bad ones are easily kept at bay. I've come a long way since those were made. I can look back on them now not as disappointments, pains and conflicts but as lessons learned. Stones in the pathway. What point is there in dwelling on them? Better to squeeze out every drop of happiness from the good ones.
Memories like the time my brother and I were shooting cans with a BB gun and I told him to shoot me in the ass, because I wanted to see if it would hurt much. I stood about 15 yards from him and he let 'er rip. Bullseye, as it were. Yes, it did hurt. Quite a bit, actually. I don't know what the hell I was thinking.
A day or two after we first got here I went out to the tin shed in the back, the one my dad built when we first moved in (back in 1970). It was a cool little building where he stored his lawn mower, his garden implements, his tools, that kind of stuff. Behind it, though, I stored something of my own. I had a lock box full of pages ripped from Playboy and Penthouse. I'd bartered a copy of Alice Cooper's "Billion Dollar Babies" for it. I couldn't have been older than 14 at the time. At any rate, it was a treasure chest that I did not want my dad to find. I don't think he ever did, as I eventually hid it elsewhere and he never said anything. In fact, I hid it so well the second time that I lost it. That was a sad day.
Stuff like that. Big memories, small ones. Important and trivial. Now that we've been here for a few days I'm able to shut them out until I want to reminisce. Stacie said, a couple of days ago, that she didn't know how I could be here without constantly thinking about my dad. She said every time she looks at the kitchen sink she almost sees him (he was always washing dishes there). She was very fond of dad and I'd bet that she is almost as glad to be here as I am. I know she is.
Anyhoo, we decided to go with Dish Network instead of cable. We thought the picture quality, being all digital, would be better. We were WRONG. Maybe it was a screw-up on the installers part, I don't know, but the picture is less than I expected. Very slightly blurry, no crispness...With our basic cable we at least received the networks High Def broadcasts in that format (Letterman, Leno, Today show all broadcast in HD). With Dish you don't get that. An upgrade to their HD service is required for ALL HD broadcasts. I've called tech support, but I don't think it did any good. I'm prepared to accept that it may well be my television, the size of the screen and the limitations of a regular (non-HD) signal. I hope not, cuz I paid big bucks for that thing. No matter, we may lose a couple of hundred dollars for breaking our contract with Dish Network but it may be worth it to switch back to cable. Right now that is the only choice other than upgrading. I suppose we should upgrade just to see if it would work out, if it would be worth the extra money per month.
A bit of advice to anyone thinking of getting Dish...the channel line-up for their "America's Top 100" package is weak. Weak weak weak. The "Top 200" doesn't look too bad, and of course the "Top 250" is gonna have a few worthwhile offerings. But if you can only afford the "Top 100" you will likely be disappointed....Oh, I don't know, that's probably just me. I'm hard to please.
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