Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A: Pizza Hut Ranch...but that's the only ranch I like. If I'm not at Pizza Hut I'll settle for Italian.
Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A: I guess I'll say Sonic because it's the only one in town and those Java Chillers are killer good.
Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A: Probably Rudolpho's mexican in Cushing.
Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A: It all depends upon the service. I wouldn't want to try and average it out.
Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A: Pizza
Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A: Italian sausage, pepperoni, black olive, green pepper, lots of cheese and extra sauce, pretty much your typical Supreme minus the mushrooms.
Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A: Butter and grape jelly
Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A: Right now it's the front page photo logo from my blog "The Time Killer". My screen saver is photographs of Sigur Ros.
Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A: 3
BIOLOGY
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A: right
Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A: Like ticks, you mean? :)
Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A: A set of stereo speakers I was retiring...it's not so much that they were actually too heavy, but hoisting them on top of the dead refrigerator in the garage (their new home) was back breaking.
Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A: No, actually.
BULLSHITOLOGY
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A: Hell no. I wouldn't be able to sleep at all the night before.
Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A: Bill Gates
Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A: I just can't seem to make ANY color work for me.
Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A: A bug or two, though I imagine in some countries they are considered quite the edible delicacy.
Q. Have you ever saved someone's life?
A: When I was a kid I got my dad out of bed soon after a bad extension cord started a fire beneath it. So maybe. I was pretty young though, so it may have been a dream.
Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A: I think so. This developmentally disabled guy I worked for got my attention just as a car was about to run into me.
CASHOLOGY
Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A: Under a few conditions. The guy cannot be a candidate for uglyperson.com. He cannot have cracked, bleeding lips. He must agree to leave and never come back after the kiss (kisses, if the offer is a Benji per kiss). He must also understand that he will not be experiencing the joys of my tongue and that if he attempts to demonstrate the joys of his own tongue I will personally cut it out of his mouth. The transaction will take place in the presence of only three people...myself, the guy I'm gonna have to kiss, and the guy who's paying the piper. Two if the guy who wants my kisses so bad is the same guy who is shelling out the dough. In other words: NO ONE ELSE MUST KNOW. If this stipulation, a paramount one, is breached I will have the right to terminate the existence of all parties involved (myself excluded). And finally, if someone else offers me considerably more money for the same favor, I will laugh at your paltry hundred dollar bill. However, the new client must be aware that all the conditions placed upon the original transaction will remain in place with no significant deviations.
Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A: Hell, no. I worked too hard mastering the D chord (and it's countless variations) to take anything less than $200,001 for one of 'em.
Just kidding. It would take at least a couple million...It's not as if I play the guitar much these days, but 200 grand is chump change.
Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A: I think I could restrain my creative impulses for that amount. Especially in light of the fact that you can count the number of people who read it on one hand (and MY hand at that).
Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A: Depends on the magazine, I guess. The last time I posed nude it was for some Car & Driver type affair, and I'll never do that again. Christianity Today, perhaps.
JUST KIDDING, FOLKS!!! (It's only a magazine, folks...it's not as if I were going to portray pre-Fall Adam in the new Rod Parsley Illustrated Seed Faith Promise Keeper Worship Study Bible [annotated by internationally recognized Bible scholars including Benny Hinn, Morris Cerullo, John Hagee, Paula White, Creflo Dollar, Paul Crouch plus many more]. I was asked to do it by Parsley's people but it offended my tender sensibilities. They begged me to be a part of the project, so eventually I wound up accepting the role of one of the lepers Jesus heals. The photo shoot is next week and they tell me the time spent with the make-up artists will be the toughest part of the job, but at least I won't have to be naked. I will, however, reconsider depending on who they find to play Eve).
Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A: Funeral costs are much higher than that, so no.
Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A: Why don't you make that same offer to our military personnel in Iraq? They don't have the luxury of the choice. And they deserve more than that for being ordered to do just that when, under any other circumstances, their answer to the question would be the same as mine: no.
DUMBOLOGY
Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: Nothing. Not even lint.
Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A: I thought it was going to be the worst movie ever made, but I laughed my ass off when I saw it. It even made me laugh a couple of times after that when I saw bits and pieces of it on TV. So, yeah, it's a good movie.
Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: Shitty carpet.
Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: it's much more hygienic to stand when you're pissing in the shower. And if you sit, how are you going to get your ass cheeks really clean? (Ha!n Betcha never thought of that, did ya?)
Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: Probably not. unless they were rich, generous, female, extremely attractive and clinically diagnosed as sex addicts with no boyfriends.
Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A. One. It gets the job done.
Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: It was a few months ago. Meeker cop says I didn't completely come to a halt at the town's one and only 4-way stop. I tend to doubt his assessment, as he was right there in plain view...I'm sure I saw him, so why wouldn't I stop? I'm just as paranoid of cops as the next guy. But, alas, he did pull me over. I got off with less than a warning, for some inexplicable reason. I think he was probably looking for drugs. I guess it's a good thing for me that he didn't ask to look in my left sock.
Just kidding?
Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: A spirit rider.
Lastology
Q: Last Friend you talked to?
A: I talked to Aubrey via IM Messenger just an hour ago.
Q: Last person who called you?
A: My wife.
Q: Last Person you hugged?
A: My motto is "Drugs, not hugs".
FAVORITOLOGY
Q: Number?
A: The last one.
Q: Season?
A: The season of the witch.
CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Missing someone?
A: I can't say that I am, actually. Does that mean there's something wrong with me?
Q: Mood?
A. Pre-anxiety contentment.
Q: Listening to?
A: What else? Sigur Ros. Right now it's the "()" album but just before it I was listening to a CD of various downloads I got from their website. I need to check back there and see if there are any new ones.
Q: watching?
A: Letters appear on a screen in tandem with my fingers pressing buttons with corresponding letters printed on them.
Q: Worrying about?
A: I admit it...I'm a tad worried about our dog. He's been pretty sickly the last couple of days...and this is EXACTLY why I swore I'd never have another pet before we got him. Not that it was my choice...but you know how you get attached to the cute bastards.
RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning?
A: The bathroom.
Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Spend my money when I get it.
Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A: "Rush Hour 3"...I fell asleep halfway into it, which means either it wasn't much of a movie or that I was a lot more tired than I thought I was when I began watching it. I hate Chris Tucker, though.
Q: Do you smile often?
A. Only when I'm alone.
Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: I'm not "un-friendly". I'm just not really in the market for new friends just now.
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