Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Closed, always. Haven't you heard of the CLOSET MONSTER?

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
No. I paid good money for that motel room. I'm not leaving with anything less that the TV.

3. Have you ever stolen a street sign?
One night., wanting to adorn all of my walls with those trendy decorative street signs, I stole all if the STOP signs on what turned out to be a busy intersection in Nichols Hills. I will burn in hell for my deed and it's consequences.

4. Have you ever 'done it' in a hotel room before?
No, I have never made my own bed in a motel room before.

5. Do you like to use post-it notes?
Only when I run out of toilet paper.

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
No, I cut out photographs from the obituaries, put 'em in my wallet and then I go around town lying, fishing for sympathy.

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
It doesn't matter...a big teddy bear or a swarm of spelling bees, it's all the same to me.

8. What was the last thing you shaved?
My tongue.

9. Last movie you saw in theaters?
The last movie I saw actually did play "in theaters" before being released on DVD. I didn't, however, see it in a theater, but from the relative comfort of my broken down sofa. It was "Bug" and I thank God I didn't pay the "theater price" to see this worthless piece of crap. Truly, it was one of the dumbest things I've ever seen.

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
People who point and laugh at me, telling their kids that, if they ever grow up to be like me, they'll never amount to anything.

11. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Sheets?

12. Do you count your steps when you walk?
Only until I reach 1,000,000, then I ask myself why I'm counting my steps and come to the conclusion that I'm a obsessive-compulsive.

13. Have you ever peed in the woods?
Does the fireplace count?

14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
You betcha. I do, however, look like a fool when doing it.

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
No, but I do like to munch on Magic Markers. The smell will get you high, you know.

16. How many people have you slept with this week?
72. I've been busy.

17. How many pairs of tennis/athletic shoes do you own?
2 and a half.

18. What is your "Song of the week"?
anything by Porter Wagoner.

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
I hope so. I'll have to give my wife's panties back to her if it's not..

20. Do you still watch cartoons?
Hell no. I learned long ago that animals can't talk. How gullible do you think I am?

21. What’s your least favorite movie?
There's no way I could dig deep enough into the cesspool of crappy movies I've seen to drag out the one that might be my "least favorite movie".

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
In Barnes and Nobles' bank account.

23. What do you drink with dinner?
Bacon drippings.

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
A hungry dog's mouth.

25. What is your favorite food/cuisine?
The edible kind. Preferably tasty as well.

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Seriously, I rarely watch a movie more than once, maybe twice. There are exceptions. One of them being "Scooby Doo on Monster Hill"

27. Who do you miss right now?
The guy I once saw in a mirror aboiut 13 years ago.

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
I was a boy scout until I lost my Bear pin, then I said "fuck it".

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Again, you mean?

30. When is the last time you wrote to someone in a letter?
I write letters all the time. I never send them, thougn.

31. Can you change the oil on a car?
Yeah. I turn it into wine. But the car doesn't run on the stuff, so it's a miracle I rarely perform.

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Yes, and I used it to get into the Policeman's Ball. There's no admittance without a ticket, you know.

33. Ran out of gas?
No...flatulence has always been a problem.

34. Favorite kind of sandwich?:
Lard.

35. Best thing for breakfast?
I can't even remember the last time I ate breakfast.

36. What is your usual bedtime?
My ritual...in bed by 10:00, lights out and headphones pumping music into my head at abouit 11:00, passing out somewhere between 11:30-12:00. Wild life, baby.

37. Are you lazy?
Me New Year's resolution was to be more of a slob and spend each day in a haze of laziness. So far, so good.

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for halloween?
I don't remember...I'm sure it was something that didn't require an expensive costume.

39. Can you eat with chopsticks?
As long as the food is something I can stab.

40. How many languages can you speak?
Does Pig Latin count? It does? Olay...one.

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
At last, a question I don't mind answering without all the smart-ass hoop-de-dooo. The only magazine subscription I have right now is to ARTnews. I couldn't afford to renew my subscription to Esquire, so that one's stopped coming, even though I liked getting it. I may re-new it when things turn around, at which point I will probably subscribe to several more, including ArtForum, Art In America, Paste, Mojo (although I'm not sure about that one...it's a great magazine but boy, O boy is it high dollar), maybe one of the science fiction pulps (Isaac Asimov's Science Fiction Magazine, Analog or The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction...probably that last one if it's still in publication)...we'll just have to see when the time comes...I don't want to go overboard, but I do like magazines a lot.

42. Which are better legos or lincoln logs?
Lincoln Logs burn a lot easier, and give off a pleasing woody odor, while the legos really smell bad as they melt.

43. Are you stubborn?
I have been told that I am as stubborn as a mule. I'm not exactly sure what that means.

44. Who is better...Leno or Letterman?
In what way? In bed? On the gold course? In a medieval jousting bout? In a spelling bee? The question is too vague for me to hazzard an answer.

45. Ever watch soap operas?
I have enough trouble keeping up with all the intricacies of my own life...why would I want to keep up with the story lines of soap operas?

46. Afraid of heights?
Only the ones that are over 10 feet.

47. Sing in the car?
Not anymore. My stereo's busted. Now I just talk to myself and scream insults at other motorists.

48. Dance in the shower?
I don't know if you'd call it a "dance"...

49. Dance in the car?
Ha ha..

50. Ever used a gun?
Yes. They are the best way to kill another human being.

51. What's the last thing you cooked?
I suppose microwaving counts? I cooked one of those delicious Hungry Man pork barbeque TV dinners. It was much better than I thought it would be. I made the decision that I would buy many more of them in the future.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
They are. Extremely cheesy. But I don't resent them for it anymore, and who knows but that I'll acquire a taste for them soon.

53. Is Christmas stressful?
Not for me. I stay home alone. Stress free, that's how I like it.

54. Ever eat a pierogie?
I may have. Tell me what a pierogie is and I'll let you know.

5. Favorite type of fruit pie?
Pies are for losers.
Just kidding.

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Mick Jagger.

7. Do you believe in ghosts?
No. Anyone who would want to come back here after they die is a fool.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
All the time.

59. Take a vitamin daily?
Once every 6 months. It doesn't seem to be doing any good.

60. Wear slippers?
On my ears.

61. Wear a bath robe?
In the shower.

62. What do you wear to bed?
Armani suit.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
All the time.

63. First concert?
Do I have to tell? I do? Oh, Lord am I emberassed. It was the little River Band with Jay Ferguson opening. I am so ashamed. Really.

64. Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart?
Dollar General.

65. Nike or Adidas?
Cheap-ass Wal-Mart brand.

66.Cheetos Or Fritos?
A healthy, satisfying mix of the two.

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Sunflower seeds are the more interactive nut. I gotta go with them.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
All the time.

68. Ever hear of, "gorp"?
Should I have?

69. Ever take dance lessons?
I had a babysitter once, when I was very young, who taught me how to do the Horizontal Bop. It was the only dance lesson I've ever needed or wanted.

70. Is there a profession you picture your spouse doing?
Gang Boss.

71. Can you curl your tongue?
No, but I bet I could curl YOURS. !

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
All the time.

72. Ever won a spelling bee?
It's old news...I would have won but I felt sorry for the other guy and tossed it to him. No lie..

73. Where do you work?
Cyberspace Massage Parlor.

74. Own any record albums?
I have a Daniel Amos promotional disc and a copy of the Beatles' "Hey Jude" on vinyl. Down to 2 from at least 1,000 I had before the advent of CD technology..

75. Own a record player?
If I owned a record player I would most likely have more than 2 records. Probably. Maybe not.

76. Regularly burn incense?
Only when there is the chance that it will rub upo against flammable drapes or curtains and set the house on fire. It's even better when it's somebody else's house.

77. What color do you wear the most?
Caucasion.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
All the time.

78. Who would you like to see in concert?
I only want to see Sigur Ros. Maybe Mark Kozelek if he came through town, but I would drive across a few state lines to see Sigur Ros again.

79. What was the last concert you saw?
Sigur Ros.

80.Hot tea or cold tea?
Tea is for losers.
Just kidding.

81.Tea or coffee?
A gallon jug of coffee will do the trick every time.

82.Favorite kind of cookie?
The kind that makes me forget I'm afraid of heights.

83.Can you swim well?
For short periods of time.

84.Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose?
Huh?

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
All the time.

85. Are you patient?
No...I haven't been in the hospital in a long time.

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
DJ. That way you only have to beat up one guy when he insists on being paid.

87.Ever won a contest?
Yes. MySpace held a contest to see who was the oldest bozo to fill out so many of these questionairres in the span of a year. I won the grand prize: free membership to the MySpace website.

88. ever have plastic surgery?
Plastic forks and knives.

89. Which are better black or green olives?
It depends on what you eat them on. Black olives are best on pizza. Green olives are better on ice cream.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
All the time.

90.Can you knit or crochet?
No, I have more enjoyable, productive methods of killing time.
...Okay, maybe not "productive".
I could use a new sweater.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
All the time.

91. Best room for a fireplace?
The coldest one..

92. Do you want to get married?
Yes...I'm thinking of hooking up with the Mormons so I can get-r-done.

93. If married, how long have you been married?
Long enough to have forgotten what it was like to be single.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
All the time.

94. Who was your HS crush?
I better not say. The wife may be reading this and the mention of her name, quite rightfully, causes her to become sullen and violent.

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
Sort of. I cry and throw a fit, but I still don't get my way. Then I cry and throw a fit some more. I like the fit throwing better than the crying. But I imagine the crying is more therapeutic.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
All the time.

96. Do you have kids?
Yes. I have raised goats since the early '80s and at this point I have about 30 kids.

97. Do you want kids?
No. 30 is enough.

98. What're your favorite colors?
Yes.

99. Do you miss anyone right now?
Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? (see #27)

100. Who do you wanna see right now?
Frodo.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
No.