I filled this Q&A out over at MySpace and I'll be damned if I'm gonna waste that much time and not put it here, too.
If at all possible. enjoy:
Body: 1. where is the last place you held hands?
on the bow of the titanic
2. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
no. I’d be just like one of those guys stepping off of those barges at the beginning of “Saving Private Ryan”.
3. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No, I prefer to sleep with the calming sounds of classical music on the radio.
4. Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton?
Yuck.I don’t drink milk period.
5. Have you ever won a spelling bee?
I came very close to winning one when I was in junior high, but I threw it because I felt sorry for the guy who was just behind me. I know that sounds like a load of bollocks, but it is the truth..
6. What was your longest fight with one of your friends?
7 years.
7. Are you a fast typer?
I’m getting there. I only just taught myself a few months ago…considering that, I would consider myself a pretty fast typist..
9. Do you like someone right now?
no I hate everyone and everything. But that’s just “right now”…I’ll probably straighten up in a couple of hours
10. What ended your last relationship?
extremely potent prescription medications, the possibility that I may have been irresponsible which I maintained was a result of said medications but which my ex-wife insisted was simply a character trait I had recently developed and which she was unwilling to put up with, a fight that was very likely of my own initiating, my ex-wife’s decision to never speak to me again, and finally, SO finally, a divorce decree
12. Do you have a friend thats more than a friend?
no. I may be a heel but I would never expect that from a friend. And so far none of them have asked me to be “more than a friend”, so I’ll be damned if I’m going to have a friend whose more than a friend until one of them asks me to be a friend that’s more than a friend to a friend that’s more than a friend that’s more than a friend to a friend that’s more than a friend to a friend that’s more than a friend…
13. Are you drinking anything right now?
Dr. Pepper. It’s down to the last 1/4th so I imagine I’ll go get another one soon
14. Do you think you're smart?
As smart as I need to be, not as smart as I wish I was…
15. Have you ever eaten a bug?
not intentionally
16. Do you miss someone right now, and do they miss you?
Hey, this was on the last Q&A I filled out. I would not miss anyone who didn’t miss me.
17. Who is currently irritating you?
I am all alone right now, so no one is irritating me. Sometimes when I got OKC to visit my friends there are people who show up seemingly just for the purpose of irritating me, but right now it’s all good
18. Do you know the muffin man?
Actually I do. His name is Paul M. Jerkins. He confided to me that the one thing that pisses him off more than anything is to be called “the muffin man”.
19. Do you talk in your sleep?
no I do not talk in my sleep. It’s a good thing, too.
20. Do you remember your 1st crush?
I tried to kiss Starla Ring in kindergarten…she screamed and ran away. It scarred me for life, implanting a fear of rejection that was crippling
21. Have you ever flown a kite?
A few times. It’s really fun to fly a kite while relaxing in waist deep water at the lake.
23. Do you consider yourself successful?
success is relative. Still, NO..
24. How many people are on your contact list of your cell phone?
How many times do I have to tell you people, I DON’T HAVE A CELL PHONE! Now leave me alone about, okay?
25. Have you ever asked for a horse?
Horse…isn’t that street slang for heroin?
26. What did you do this past weekend?
killed time, got online, killed a little more time, read a book, killed a little more time, listened to some music, killed some more time, realized that getting online, reading books and listening to music were also considered by most people as ways of killing time, and so between trips to the bathroom and a couple of meals I came to the decision that a good 98% of last weekend was spent killing time. Time is a dead man when I’m around
28. Miss being at school right now?
I miss everything about school but the work necessary to graduate
29. When's the last time you told someone you loved them?
today. Every day, baby. Might not get the chance tomorrow. But I don’t recommend saying “I love you” to the bouncer at the Watering Hole. Trust me on that one. Especially you guys.
30. Do you want to be single?
Naw, it’s too much of a hassle and besides, trolling the personals online is kind of pathetic, don’t you think?
32. Who's your hero?
Foghorn Leghorn
33. Have you ever been expelled or suspended from school?
No. Only from my first marriage. (ha ha)
34. Who was the last person you kissed?
My wife. If you can call the little “peck” I gave her a “kiss”. Kisses are over-rated.
35. If you could be stranded with one person for 24 hours, who would it be?
24 hours? Jeez, I might as well sleep.
38. Can you handle the truth?
I can handle it, but sometimes it takes a while for me to incorporate it into my fantasy world.
39. Do you like green eggs and ham?
I don’t like eggs or ham of any color
40. What 3 things do you always bring with you to places?
my wallet, my keys, my brain
41. Any cool scars?
you can’t see ‘em anymore…I guess that makes ‘em “cool”. .
42. Are you missing action?
No, I just talked to him on the phone yesterday
44. What's your deepest secret?
That I actually like a couple of Sugarland’s songs.
45. How often do you talk on the phone?
As rarely as possible
46. Do you believe in love?
Do I believe in love? What kind of stupid ass question is that?
47. Is there something you want that you can't have?
A normal life
48. Three things about the preferred sex that you first notice?
eyes, hair, bank account
49. When was the last time you cried?
a couple of days ago when I first heard T Pain
51. Do you get along with your family?
Sure I get along with them, I just don’t go to see them very often
52. Where is your cell right now?
Good God, you’re really testing my patience. Oh wait a minute. I didn’t understand the question. Mine is the third one from the south entrance of cell block B of death row
54. Favorite color?
Is there really any point in having a favorite color?
55. Last movie you saw?
”Reign Over Me”
56. What song are you listening to?
I’m not really listening to it, but they’re playing that new Rascal Flatts song on XM’s modern country channel. I am not impressed. The last song I REALLY listened to today, that I REALLY liked, was “What Kind of Gone” by Chris Cagle. Damn, that’s a good song!.
57. What do you want?
another chance. One more day. Chili for dinner
58. Favorite car?
I like my Saturn just fine.
59. What T.V. show are you watching?
None at the moment. I watched “The Jamie Kennedy Experiment” earlier.
60. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
my wife. Before that it was Jerry Redd. Those two are about the only ones I ever talk to on the phone
61. Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
who hasn’t? Thought of it for about one millionth of a millisecond and then moved on to more important topics like what brand of toilet paper I would buy regularly
62. Does a kiss make you feel better?
no. nothing can make me feel better if I’m in the mood where anyone might think that something could feel better
63. Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
Actually I have. Actually I was draped over the side of the bathtub having filled it with puke but I wound up falling to the floor directly in front of the commode so I’d like to think that counts
64 Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
uh…let me think…
65.What did you do today?
killed time, watched it come back to life, killed it again
66. Have you had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time?
I was lucky to have one girlfriend
67. Would you rather be in a permanent relationship or play the field?
it’s a little too late to ask me that.
68. What color is your shower curtain?
a lovely combination of flower prints and mold
69. Have you ever had stitches?
stitches, that’s another one of those funny words, like LUNCH, or BANANA
70. How long ago did you hug someone?
I hugged my son this morning. He did everything in his power to escape my embrace and yet I persisted to the point where tears fell from his eyes.
71. Did you believe that boys/girls had cooties?
Of course. Everyone loves chocolate chip cooties, don’t they?
72. Do you know how to use chop sticks?
Axe or hatchet?
73. Do you like the Red Sox or Yankees?
I like my socks white and I sure ain’t from Dixieland
74. What are you doing tomorrow?
loadin’ the gun and killing some more time
74. Who was the last person that made you look twice?
the man who was sprawled out by the side of the road, covered in blood, screaming, “Hey! Lookee here! I’m hurt!”. I hit the gas and tore down the road before I could look at him a third time.
75. Have you ever given money to a homeless person?
No, but I’ve taken money from people when I was homeless. That was back before panhandlers gave begging a bad name
76. Have you ever run over an animal?
Not intentionally. Though that might change if our Pomeranian were to wander out into the street as I pulled out.
77. What is your favorite cereal?
count chocula…anything that would throw a diabetic into shock
78. Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter?
Is that supposed to be tasty? I’ll have to try it sometime.
79. What are you doing right at this moment?
saving the world
80. Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
Only crooked guys should get their tongues pierced
90. Where's your favorite place to be?
in bed, floating in the ether of a good dream
91. What's your favorite song?
Anything from Sigur Ros’ albums “( )” and “Takk”
92. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?
My shrink tells me I’ll flip out if I drink too much alcohol, and I am no longer so adventurous that I would take that chance. So coffee it is, and decaffeinated at that..
93. Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?
no. I learned my lesson the night I threw ‘em on a power line
94. Have you ever been skinny dipping?
no, but once, late at night when my family was asleep, I went outside, took off my clothes and laid down in the little swimming pool we had out there. I was lucky there were no snakes in it. I was not exactly in a normal state of mind, if you catch my drift, and I thought it would be cool to look at the stars from that vantage point. It was a little too cold, though, so I didn’t stay there for long.
95. Have you ever climbed up a water tower?
No, that’s crazy. My brother did, though, once. He’s crazy.
96. Do you dream in black and white?
no. psychedelic, fluorescent, neon, all that stuff
97. Do you talk in your sleep?
I just answered this, didn’t I? Maybe it was the last Q&A I killed time filling out
98. Do you snore?
I am told that, yes, I do snore. It never wakes me up, though.
99. funniest thing you heard all day?
Nothing today, but yesterday I cracked up from a line in BTO’s “You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet”: “She said I had it coming to me/But I wanted it that way”…God, that’s hilarious.
100. Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face?
I think that is the one place that I have not been bitten by a mosquito
101. What are you afraid of?
Losing it again
102. What does the 14th text message in your inbox say?
text messaging is a waste of time. Hey, there’s this great invention called the TELEPHONE, people!
103. What does the 3rd message in your outbox say?
”Satan is your master”
104. Do you like someone?
Sheesh
105. Do they know you like them?
No one knows if I like them. I hide it pretty well.
106. Can you recite the alphabet backwards?
let’s see…A B C D E F G H U S I P W B R…oh, wait? You want it BACKWARDS? Sorry, no can do.
107. Whats your middle name?
Arthur…as in KING Arthur
108. What's your profile song and why?
I don’t have a profile “song”. I have a Project Playlist thingymabob, and it is loaded with some of the greatest music you could ever hope to hear. Check it out sometime. Or don’t.
109. Need to get something off your chest?
Excess hair
110. How do you feel about your life right now?
heart’s still beating, all senses intact, lungs still taking in and expelling air, plumbing relatively intact, now if I could just get my brain to work right I’d be in business
