Then there are folks who would rather eat ashes than answer the things. They think it's a huge waste of time and that whether they've ever been in love before or the regularity of their bathing habits is nobody's business but their own.
I fall somewhere between those two extremes. But I have been known to fall back on them when my creative juices have been temporarilly staunched. So now's the time...enjoy!
Allergies are weaking havoc on my eyes...my glasses haven't fit right since I ran into the door and fucked up the earpiece, and that's driven me crazy the last few months (good news in that I should get a new pair today...yippee!)...I suppose the one thing above all the others that is bothering me is the sad fact that I'm still waiting, after 3 months, for my initial SSD check. Too much stuff needs to be done around the house and it bothers the hell out of me that the government is so good at taking it's time...
What is in your wallet?
Driver's License, several photographs of my son, doctors appointmentcard, laminated Social Security card, Visa debit card, Conoco/Phillips 66 gas card, pawn ticket, business card from my friend's CD store with Red's phone number written on the back, bank account number card, voter registration card, Sapulpa Public Library card (expired 4/30/06...I guess I should put that in the trash), one blank check...
Wallpaper on your computers desktop?
Sigur Ros' logo
Background on your cell phone?
I don't need a cell phone, so I don't have one, which implies rather forcefully that there is no cell phone in my possession with which to have wallpaper...If I had one it would be Sigur Ros related...you know how it is when you become obsessed with a great band...
What do you want in your life right now?
Air, water, fire, food, a roof over my head, a beating heart, psychedelic dreams in sleep, cognition, functional kidneys, a method with which I could conquer and rise above the existential angst that alternately plagues me then makes me feel like an immature fool for dwelling on it even for a moment...and an HDTV.
Listening to?
XM Radio Online, channel 104, "Ngoma", which is billed as "the Sound of Africa"...It used to be part of the regular XM line-up but they banished it to online limbo about a year ago. It's something different, and that's what I shoot for every time.
What do you smell like?
Coffee...other than that I am remarkably "stench-free".
Eating?
It's 9:00 in the morning and I do not eat breakfast, so "no" or "nothing" depending upon how the question is meant.
What's your favorite thing to have on your bed?
A pillow. Sheets and a blanket. Only the essentials, baby, as I certainly would not want to risk the ire of my wife by listing her in a category of THINGS.
If you could change something in your life, what would it be?
The size of my penis...it's much too large and frightens all who see it.
What do you wear to bed?
Oooh, see? Here's a prime example of a question that pops up in every one of these questionairres...What do I wear to bed? A three-peice Armani suit, Gucci loafers and a top hat. Right? Everyone knows I sleep naked (okay, maybe your grandmother doesn't know...be sure to tell her when you get the chance).
Do you remember your dreams?
For a little while after I wake up. Some linger for a few hours, but very few leave an indelible stamp on my consciousness. Which is too bad, because I usually have the BEST dreams!
Who will you sleep with tomorrow?
The same person I slept with last night, probably.
Have you ever been gambling?
Once or twice...enough times to come to the realization that I can't afford to lose money.
What's something you wish you could understand better?
Infinity...I'm working on it, though, and have made great progress..
What did you do last weekend?
I surfed the web for porn, 48 hours straight with hourly breaks to administer Visine...Okay, that's not true. I didn't do much "last weekend" (which I'm assuming is yesterday and the day before, this being Monday). I read as much as I could with screwed up glasses and itching, burning, allergy-assaulted eyes. I practiced my typing (you'll be glad to know that I am getting quite good at it). I ate a couple of nice, big salads yesterday, then there was the delicious Frito chili pie I gorged myself with on Saturday. I spent some enjoyable time seated on my porcelain throne, prompted by the chili. I listened to a lot of music, burned several CDs.
Who do you miss?
Aubrey, my dad, all of my friends who have moved away.
Who is the last person of the opposite sex you hugged?
My wife....oh, I almost forgot...I hugged a prostitute a couple of years ago while looking for a parking spot in Bricktown. That would be the last person I hugged. But it wasn't too long before that when I hugged the wife.
Orange or apple juice?
I don't know why anyone would give a rat's ass, but apple juice tastes like piss to me (not that I know what piss really tastes like, but apple juice is what I imagine urine would probably taste like). Any orange juice I'm drinking is gonna be 100% natural, not from concentrate and thick with pulp.
Who was the last person you went somewhere with?
My son. We went to Sonic to get ice cream.
Have you kissed anyone on your top (MySpace) friends?
Seeing as how my wife is in the top 12, yes I believe I have. I may have kissed a couple others in a harmless, friendly way, but you can't really call those "kisses", can you?
Whose house did you go to last night?
I don't know whose it was, but the windows were easilly pryed open by my crowbar and I didn't have too much trouble carrying their high dollar home theater system out to the van. A more relevant question, to me at least, is "to whose house am I going tonight?"
Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
My dad, in 1999...I ain't going into one of those places unless it's absolutely necessary.
Are you bored?
Frequently.
What is the last movie you watched?
"The Number 23"
Name three drinks you regularly drink.
Dr. Pepper, coffee, Monster
What are you excited about?
The U.S. release of the Sigur Ros documentary/concert DVD, getting a sweet pair of Bose headphones when my money comes in, the upcoming "Caveman" TV series, the tasty home-made burritos we'll probably throw together tomorrow night, getting my new pair of glasses (hopefully today), the starring role I've been offered in the Vivid video re-make of "Army Brat"...Oh, I'm excited by many, many things...especially rubber ducks.
Do you want someone you can't have?
What's all this "can't have" bullshit?
Who was last to slap your butt?
There is a cemetary next to the McDonalds in Shawnee, Oklahoma. Enter by the east gate. 5 rows west and 3 headstones to the north you will find the name of that man engraved on a marble slab.
Where was the last place you went?
Besides the bathroom? In town, it would be Sonic. As far as going out of town, it was to Shawnee, to take care of a little business at the pawn shop.
What's on your mind right now?
Just trying to think of answers to this silly questionairre.
Have you cried recently?
Can't say that I have. I'm not the kind to say that men aren't supposed to cry. But I have not been so inclined recently. If I don't get my SSD check soon you will see my bawl like a baby.
If an unstoppable force comes across an unmovable object, then what happens?
A spark flickers and a new universe is born.
Is taking a shower a daily habit?
Another question that seems to be in every one of these Q&As...The short answer is "yes" but I would point out that bathing is not so much a "habit" with me so much as it is a "ritual". Big difference there, don't you think?
