"The 'Sucking' Bee"

I hate to be so negative, folks, I really do. It's really none of my business to be trashing a television show when I can't stand practically ANYTHING that's on the tube these days (and such has been the case for a long time).

But last night I witnessed something so horrendous, so excruciatingly bad that I have a difficult time coming up with a description for just how dismally awful it is.

I'm talking about NBC's latest foray into the already saturated "talent show" genre, a karaoke inspired half hour of aural pain called "The Singing Bee". Obviously a twist on the grade school staple known worldwide as Spelling Bees, this goofy show substitutes 'letters' for 'words from song lyrics', the music for which is cranked out by a house band a la "Name That Tune" (a reference I throw out specifically for those of you old enough to remember that classic).

They're picky as fuck about getting the lyrics EXACTLY right, too. Last night there was a woman who needed to remember the first line from the chorus of John Denver's "Take Me Home, Country Roads" to win the round. But she lost it all when she sang "country road" singular instead of the plural of the title. Now I've seen more than my share of bar bands butcher that song (including a couple that I played in) and if I had a dollar for every time the singer sang of one particular road instead of a whole map of West Virginia, well I'd be a wealthy man, I would.

Which is my roundabout way of saying that they are a bit too strict on that aspect of "The Singing Bee".

What they are decidedly NOT strict about is the vocal talent required to be a contestant on the show. Maybe the idea is to maintain the "karaoke" thing, at which spectacles there are not a few participants who lack the ability to belt out a melody. The problem is that these "Bee" contestants are the kind who would get booed off the stage at a dive-bar karaoke by a nice crowd.

In other words, these people they had on the program, in addition to jumping about to the rhythm of the songs like hopped-up monkeys, couldn't sing their way out of a paper bag. They don't even have the excuse of being drunk, which is the saving grace of those who embarrass themselves on the "sing-along-to-the-lyrics-scrolling-at-the-bottom-of-the-TV" stage.

Okay, okay, as my wife reiterated, the whole point of the show is remembering the lyrics, not how well the contestant sings them. This is true. But why, tell me, would anyone want to endure such god-awful singing just to see if someone can get the words right? Why would you put your ears through such an extremely cruel ordeal?

From what I've googled about "The Singing Bee" it would appear that this terrible show is fairly popular (though I'd bet that NBC's promotional hoo-hah about it being a "Summer Hit" is overstating things a bit). It is losing some steam after it's debut...but that's to be expected. After all, you've got to see a show at least once to know how wretched it is. Likely at this point it's just cruising on the tail of "America's Got Talent", another "American Idol" knock-off, the popularity of which can only be truthfully ascertained in relation to my loathing of it.

So don't take my word for it. You might just love "The Singing Bee". I won't be condedcending or look down on you if you do. I won't question your entertainment choices. But as for me, I've got a couple thousand CDs as well as XM radio, so if you think I'm going to waste another precious moment enduring such irritating crap when I could be enjoying GOOD singing...