Joni, where are you?

Joni Lamb with Kirk Cameron

Joni, oh Joni, where have you gone?

After posting my loving tribute to Mrs. Lamb I have checked Daystar on a daily basis, hoping for a glimpse of the angelic television host. I have been in the mood to hear the Daystar singers (and to see her ample leadership of that fine musical ensemble), but there's no sign of them, and hasn't been for the last few weeks.

I'm going crazy, as you can only imagine. I've elevated the woman to the status of a goddess and then she disappears.

The only thing I can figure is that perhaps they're all on vacation. After all, July is a very popular month for vacations. A lot of people like to go to the lake, go water skiing, swim a little bit, maybe just work on a tan.

I can only hope this is what's up with my favorite TV personality. I noticed that the whole "Celebration" show has been missing from the line-up, so it very well could be a vacation absence, since I doubt very seriously that Daystar is going to cancel it's flagship show.

So Joni, if you're out there, catching some rays in a skimpy bikini, suntan oil dripping down your back, glistening in the sun, showing off what you've got, even if it's only to that weak husband of yours, know that you are never far from my thoughts, nor from the thoughts of all the fans you've got (although it must be noted that my thoughts of you are likely of a much more explicit, graphic nature than anyone else's...maybe even Charles'...).

Now that I think about it, you have worked hard and you deserve a vacation. You deserve the chance to kick back on the beach topless (hey, there's nothing wrong with that, it wouldn't be a public beach, the only one who could possibly see you would be Charles, the lucky bastard), maybe run into town for a few beers or wine coolers, smiling as the store clerk's eyes are irresistibly drawn to the outline of your hard nipples as they press against the wet, almost transparent, cotton t-shirt that hugs tightly your incredible upper body, the desire of nations.

But though it is pleasant to fantasize about serving you, waiting on you hand and foot, fulfilling your every need (at least the one's that Charles can't fulfill), placing myself at your every beck and call, sliding an ice cube slowly down the length of your steamy, flushed body, marvelling at how quickly it melts at the touch of your blazing hot skin, begging you to let me lick it up before it dries, being told "no" and yet nevertheless feeling strangely satisfied just to know that you even considered it for a moment, that you entertained the notion in your mind long enough to decide that the prospect would not be acceptable under the circumstances, leaving me to pretend that, had it not been for these circumstances (the ominous presence of Charles, a jealous and extremely possessive man), your answer might very well have been in the affirmative and all my dreams would come true, I'd die a happy man with a satisfied mind...yes, though it is nice to fantasize about these things, the important thing is that you get your rest and get your ass (your sweet ass) back to the Daystar studios, to the set of "Celebration", or even better, the "Joni" show.

I miss you, and so do your legion of devoted fans (though there's no way they could miss you more than I do). Channel-surfing is just not the same without you.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

On a serious note, I just wanted to say that Tammy Faye Messner will be dearly missed. She may have seemed like an oddball, but you could always tell that the joy she seemed possessed by was the real deal, sincere and genuine. A most unlikely icon, yet she leaves this world enshrined in the mythology of pop culture.