25 Things About Me

Have you seen the "25 Things About Me" meme?
I had some free time yesterday and so I decided to give it a shot. Probably more than anyone wants (or needs) to know, but here I am:

1. I have always liked to think of myself as somewhat eccentric, and though I often wish I was "normal" I know I could never be happy that way.

2. I fear God...which implies that I believe in Him. I do. Although I am still struggling with certain aspects of Orthodox Christianity I nevertheless plead the mercy of the Lord and recognize the finite nature of the human mind and it's shortcomings (read: the shortcomings of my own mind).

3. I am the product of a dysfunctional family but I refuse to use that as some kind of excuse for the issues I've dealt with as a result of my upbringing. I acknowledge it, but I don't hide behind it.

4. When I was young I dreamed of fame. Nowadays I thank God that fame eluded me. I feel certain that I would not have been able to handle it and would have probably wound up like Kurt Cobain.

5. I deeply regret not paying more attention to my teachers in high school. Even more I regret dropping out of college. With the benefit of hindsight I can see WHY I did what I did (see #3), but I still wish I had been more tenacious, diligent and attentive.

6. My reading skills were honed as a 14 year old boy by reading Playboy from cover-to-cover. Playboy and other "men's magazines" were my reading primers and I confess that this was a negative influence on my perception of sexuality and women in general. They did'nt make me disrespectful of the female gender at all, but the opposite extreme. I tended to view attractive women as "higher beings", completely unrealistically placing them on a pedestal based on their physical beauty. It took me a long time to learn that beauty, besides being in the eye of the beholder, is also skin deep. I've figured it out now, though.

7. I watched WAY too much television growing up. So many of my childood memories are of stupid TV programs like The Beverly Hillbillies, Green Acres, Gilligan's Island ad infinitum. These days I can hardly sit in front of a television for 5 minutes without feeling as if I'm wasting precious time.

8. I cannot stand the smell of cigarette smoke, but I think marijuana smoke smells delicious.

9. All of my friends live in the City, 60 miles away from where I live. As much as I enjoy their company, I LOATHE driving up there and back, with the traffic and all. I don't think I even have a friend in the town where I live, but that doesn't bother me most of the time, as I've always been somewhat a hermit/loner.

10. It took me years to accept and come to terms with a 1985 diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I have avoided treatment most of that time (because I can't tolerate medication's side effects) and so my life is like a long roller coaster ride that I have attempted to manage with varying degrees of success.

11. I think about death and dying too much and I have done so for the last 25 years. I hope I die in my sleep (who doesn't?). The closest thing I have to a phobia (besides my fear of heights) is the dread of dying in a car accident.

12. For some reason I am fascinated with the "Swinging Lifestyle", even though I don't think I'd ever seriously considered getting involved with it...which is just as well, since I'm 99% positive that my wife would never want to...

13. I will not eat fish or fowl. No real reason.

14. I have a 20 year old daughter from a failed marriage who I have not seen in years. I have no idea where she or her mother are, and I often wonder if I'm a granparent without even knowing. If I could have anything in the world right now it would be a reunion and a relationship with her.

15. My mom left my dad when I was 16 years old and she said she had waited until she thought I was old enough to understand. Truth be told, the first thought that came to my mind when I learned she had left was "It's about time...what took you so long?"...not because I wanted her to leave but because I knew, and had known for a couple of years, that there was no love left in her for my father. I KNEW she was only hanging around for us kids. Still, in retrospect, after all I went through with my dad following her departure, I wish she had waited another 5 years. Maybe that's selfish---but I don't think the sacrifices I made (and their long term effects on me) were a fair exchange for anything she could have gained by leaving when she did. Not to mention the forthcoming issues with the people they eventually married after their divorce.

16. I wish I still worked at CD Warehouse. That job was perfect for me. It's too bad the guy who owns the store doesn't seem to think so.

17. I'm not a violent person by nature. I have managed to avoid such confrontations. Consequently I do have a lot of pent-up aggression and I fear that if I ever DO get into a fight I will not be able to restrain myself from killing my opponent.

18. I prefer cold weather to hot. I cannot stand sweltering heat and humidity. I love rain. I enjoy thunderstorms and I never get tired of watching lightning bolts fill the night sky.

19. I go through periods of insomnia that are brutal. Sleep, during those times, is like a lover who teasingly withholds her charms.

20. I get bored fairly easily.

21. Music is and has always been much too important to me.

22. I can't remember the last time I sat through an entire game of football, basketball or baseball. I wish I were more athletically inclined, as a spectator and a participant.

23. I take a shower in the morning and a bath when I get home from work. I love bathing.

24. I wish I knew more about my parents.

25. I believe I can fly.

There you go. Stone cold truth about yours truly (with the exception of #25...of course I can't fly. I wish I could, though!).