Sonar from Renaud Hallée on Vimeo.
3.31.2010
3.30.2010
Michaelangelo
I woke up
And I saw myself amongst the throng
Huddled in the vision of Michaelangelo's
Sistene Chapel
One of the naked guys
The one holding the corpse
Attention drawn to his immediate left
Naked as the day he was born
Sittin' next to some guy with a ladder
Sittin' on a green towl
He looks like he's a bit timid
Of the bald, bearded corpse bearer
Symbolic, I'm sure
Of something or another
I couldn't right tell you for sure
Although I can speculate
In my mind I can almost see the demeanour of this older man with the Willie Nelson beard
As being inconsistant
With the prevailing image of the
Status quo
His sermon falls on deaf ears
As he shakes his fist at YHWH
The ONE who inflicts the torture of life
On him
He preaches to no one
These folks are in heaven, it looks like
Sittin' on toppa them purty white cloweds
Everyone seems to be so happy
They got a lute player so they got music
They'll be okay
Too bad gatling harbor rain fell juggular do you really want to gurt he went down to viet Nam just toi get my way and yesterday I had to tell you of the weay I get the triuble mariuhaty rifdlao ha the frost on the pane was ht alkfjav oiuj g iithe number og the beast is 555555555 can't you hear the wind bloew is this the time oeonmfa h;ey little girlkl hey hey little girl this is the nmean you saw last night in the park I was the onfgoaj aojgf aoijf a men's room where lfgi'ak dfkk the kak ug aun dwn sa giooooyou didn't tell your mother did you? These folk got music blood These folk they got 9jja8jdfjl oaoj toa folk laifijje laj jjklaj had I known that was thw case I would never have let him use the car...Ever since she took that HIV test she'd been nervous. So nervus she could hardly eat or drink, her urine had turned a bright shade of powder blue flying up to meet you angel kdja gkll uappinw
No shit!
I was right there on the wall
Real as nothing else
just a few yards from God Almighty his bad self
Laying down the life on Adam
And I saw myself amongst the throng
Huddled in the vision of Michaelangelo's
Sistene Chapel
One of the naked guys
The one holding the corpse
Attention drawn to his immediate left
Naked as the day he was born
Sittin' next to some guy with a ladder
Sittin' on a green towl
He looks like he's a bit timid
Of the bald, bearded corpse bearer
Symbolic, I'm sure
Of something or another
I couldn't right tell you for sure
Although I can speculate
In my mind I can almost see the demeanour of this older man with the Willie Nelson beard
As being inconsistant
With the prevailing image of the
Status quo
His sermon falls on deaf ears
As he shakes his fist at YHWH
The ONE who inflicts the torture of life
On him
He preaches to no one
These folks are in heaven, it looks like
Sittin' on toppa them purty white cloweds
Everyone seems to be so happy
They got a lute player so they got music
They'll be okay
Too bad gatling harbor rain fell juggular do you really want to gurt he went down to viet Nam just toi get my way and yesterday I had to tell you of the weay I get the triuble mariuhaty rifdlao ha the frost on the pane was ht alkfjav oiuj g iithe number og the beast is 555555555 can't you hear the wind bloew is this the time oeonmfa h;ey little girlkl hey hey little girl this is the nmean you saw last night in the park I was the onfgoaj aojgf aoijf a men's room where lfgi'ak dfkk the kak ug aun dwn sa giooooyou didn't tell your mother did you? These folk got music blood These folk they got 9jja8jdfjl oaoj toa folk laifijje laj jjklaj had I known that was thw case I would never have let him use the car...Ever since she took that HIV test she'd been nervous. So nervus she could hardly eat or drink, her urine had turned a bright shade of powder blue flying up to meet you angel kdja gkll uappinw
No shit!
I was right there on the wall
Real as nothing else
just a few yards from God Almighty his bad self
Laying down the life on Adam
3.29.2010
3.27.2010
3.26.2010
Woke up this morning feeling pretty good. Wondering how long it can last. Hoping it will be for a while. But I know better.
That's one of the worst curses of bipolar disorder. Especially if you stay in a state of depression most of the time. The clouds sort of clear out of the sky. You can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but you know that even if you get to the end of that tunnel you're only going to enjoy it for a short while before you get thrown back to the dark end. So you get to the point where you start wondering how long it's going to last. It's like watching a marathon of movies with sad endings. It becomes hard to enjoy the rest of the film if you know that they're all going to end on a down note. And that's my fucking life. I'm not talking about finding oneself in a state of bliss, enlightened, then coming down and moaning and groaning because you can't seem to make it happen again. Normalcy, that's the prize for me. Mental health...a life more stable. It shouldn't be so fucking hard, should it? But it is. It's like God dangling a carrot in front of me...the carrot is stability, a calm mind, an end to guilt feelings and uncontrollable hatred/meanness. To the extent that my sluggish schizo mind can be motivated, I chase after it. I get closer and closer. It's within my grasp. I catch hold and even manage to nibble a small bit from the tip. Then God yanks the string, pulls it away, leaves me to wallow in the failure and disappointment while he ties a fresh carrot to the line. I mean, it gets to the point where you just say, fuck it. Is it even worth it? Easier to just make a home in the depression. But if you do that for too long you really will feel suicidal, so when God comes around again with the carrot you pull yourself up by your bootstraps and the chase is on.
That's sort of the way it is, from a certain perspective...but the deal is this: the good days just come around without warning. I don't have any control over WHEN they come...obviously, if I did I would sure be having a lot more of them. Please don't get me wrong. I am grateful for the good days. I live for them. Still, they are tainted by the incontrovertible certainty that they will be soon over with and I'll be right back in the same shit hole I started in. See? I'm already starting to feel bummed. I'd better stop writing this and listen to the Deep Purple CD that came up in the "Randomly Chosen CD Game".
That's one of the worst curses of bipolar disorder. Especially if you stay in a state of depression most of the time. The clouds sort of clear out of the sky. You can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but you know that even if you get to the end of that tunnel you're only going to enjoy it for a short while before you get thrown back to the dark end. So you get to the point where you start wondering how long it's going to last. It's like watching a marathon of movies with sad endings. It becomes hard to enjoy the rest of the film if you know that they're all going to end on a down note. And that's my fucking life. I'm not talking about finding oneself in a state of bliss, enlightened, then coming down and moaning and groaning because you can't seem to make it happen again. Normalcy, that's the prize for me. Mental health...a life more stable. It shouldn't be so fucking hard, should it? But it is. It's like God dangling a carrot in front of me...the carrot is stability, a calm mind, an end to guilt feelings and uncontrollable hatred/meanness. To the extent that my sluggish schizo mind can be motivated, I chase after it. I get closer and closer. It's within my grasp. I catch hold and even manage to nibble a small bit from the tip. Then God yanks the string, pulls it away, leaves me to wallow in the failure and disappointment while he ties a fresh carrot to the line. I mean, it gets to the point where you just say, fuck it. Is it even worth it? Easier to just make a home in the depression. But if you do that for too long you really will feel suicidal, so when God comes around again with the carrot you pull yourself up by your bootstraps and the chase is on.
That's sort of the way it is, from a certain perspective...but the deal is this: the good days just come around without warning. I don't have any control over WHEN they come...obviously, if I did I would sure be having a lot more of them. Please don't get me wrong. I am grateful for the good days. I live for them. Still, they are tainted by the incontrovertible certainty that they will be soon over with and I'll be right back in the same shit hole I started in. See? I'm already starting to feel bummed. I'd better stop writing this and listen to the Deep Purple CD that came up in the "Randomly Chosen CD Game".
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