Imogene's funeral was today and I thought I'd write down a few random thoughts about the whole affair.
First of all, I was surprised at just how much it affected me. It's not as if I was all that close to her. But it really hit me hard just before the viewing. I had a VERY hard time composing myself, just to keep from bawling like a baby.
If there's one thing I can't stand it's a preacher who delivers a sermon at a funeral. This guy was hardcore, too. The whole bit about how you can't go to heaven if you haven't accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour. "Sister Imogene is in heaven right now, she's happy, she doesn't want you to be sad because she knew the Lord. She told me several times that she was 'ready to go'. Are YOU ready to go? Will you get there? My friends, if you know the Lord you can rest assured that you will. Sister Imogene knew she was going to a better place because she knew Jesus" and so on and so forth in a maddeningly repetitive way. Fine. Maybe Imogene really did want him to "preach salvation" like he said she asked him to. I dunno. But I do know this...if anybody preaches that kind of shit over my casket I promise I will rise up out of it just long enough to take his bible away from him.
The church fixed lunch for everyone, and it was actually pretty decent. I'm sitting at a table with my brother and our respective families when my aunt Wanda's step-daughter comes over and wants to know if I've seen my mom lately. Just so you know, my mother and I have a somewhat dysfunctional relationship. It's probably been 2 years since I last paid her a visit, and she only lives 7 miles away. Maybe that makes me a bad son...probably does...but what is, is. You can talk a lot of crap about setting things straight and making amends, but it's a little too complicated for me to even feel the need to explain why I don't think I need to defend myself.
Anyway, Verna comes over and asks if I've seen mom lately. As if she doesn't know. She lives right there in town with her. A small town, even smaller than the chinsy one I live in, and everybody knows everybody else's business, and what's more, they wouldn't have it any other way. So she asks me this, and it kind of puts me on the spot. "No, no...haven't seen her in awile", knowing full well that that answer wasn't going to be the end of it (though the tone of my voice should have clued her in that I hoped it would). "You should go see her"..."yeah, I probably should". "You know, you really need to go see her." OKAY. I get your point! I even got the underlying point, but what am I supposed to tell her? I'm not going to lay it all out for her so she'll know exactly why I was practically cringing at her questions. It's really none of her business, and it was not her business to exhort me to go see her. "She'd love to see you." I am sure she would. What am I going to tell this woman? That if my mom would love to see me, it's just as far from her house to mine as it is from mine to hers. I really got the feeling that her questions were a subtle way of telling me that mom wasn't in good health. Maybe not. If they WERE I think the direct approach would have been preferable. There was nothing to hide anything from the company I was with.
Enough of that, except to say that it was kind of creepy in it's way. In a meddlesome way. I can't remember ever having problems with her. so I don't know why I felt such animosity. She almost reminded me of my dad's third wife, who I DO have reason to dislike intensely (or should say "did", since she's been dead for a few years now).
For some reason I have yet to fathom, the service was held at 10:30 and the graveside service wasn't until 3:00. I've never been to a funeral were there wasn't a processional. The cemetery is quite a long way from the church were the service was but I don't know why that should have made a difference. I was told that it was because some of Imogene's husband's family were closer to the town where she was being buried...but if that's the case, I'm thinking what kind of person doesn't drive however long it takes to attend the funeral of a relative or a very close friend?
I don't know if that was the reason or not, but they actually had a little open casket walk-by right there by her burial plot. I have NEVER seen anything like that. Maybe it happens more frequently than I know, but it seems odd to me because when you walk by the deceased at the end of the funeral it's supposed to be the very last time you see the person, kind of like a line of demarcation. Of course we didn't participate in the second "walk-by". But it was still disquieting to see the body again. It's like you've poured out your grief already and it makes you feel bad that you don't have just as much to go around the second time.
I told my wife she'd better make sure that happens to me. I said "You shut 'er up, you keep 'er shut down."
But it's all over now. A long, hard day. It was really nice to see family that I hadn't been in touch with. It's too bad it takes something like the death of a loved one to round up the congregation.
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